


Past the Point of No Return

by QueenNightshade



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Emotional Hurt, Karasuno, Kitagawa Daiichi, Multi, Reader-Interactive, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Worried Hinata Shouyou
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:01:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 26,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26902540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenNightshade/pseuds/QueenNightshade
Summary: Kageyama reached home, slumping against the door as it clicked shut. He grabbed his head in his hands as tears poured down his cheeks even harder. Why did he have to remember that memory now? Of all times, why now? He just wanted to forget.I deserved it. Worthless slut. No one cares.It kept repeating in head like a mantra. And then he remembered what Oikawa had said.I deserved it. Worthless slut. No one cares. Worthless King of the Court.Tobio slammed his head back against the door, ignoring the pain and lightheadedness it caused. Isn't that the truth? Even volleyball had abandoned him now. What was left for him then? Nothing.I deserved it. Worthless slut. No one cares. Worthless King of the Court.(Tags will change as the story progresses)
Comments: 78
Kudos: 149





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Vi here! I've been scrolling through most of the stories here and came across A LOT of stories about Kageyama, Iwaizumi, and Oikawa all being soulmates. And after reading so many of them, I came up with an idea for a story like that and just thought "Man, someone should really write something like that. I'd love to read it." So, today I decided "Fuck it. I'm going to write it." So this is a story about Kageyama, Iwaizumi, and Oikawa all being soulmates, except with a wonderful twist perfectly suited to the needs of my sadistic/depressing side. So without further ado, I present to you, Past the Point of No Return: Kageyama's Story, first story of the series Past the Point of No Return! Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Vi here! I've been scrolling through most of the stories here and came across A LOT of stories about Kageyama, Iwaizumi, and Oikawa all being soulmates. And after reading so many of them, I came up with an idea for a story like that and just thought "Man, someone should really write something like that. I'd love to read it." So, today I decided "Fuck it. I'm going to write it." So this is a story about Kageyama, Iwaizumi, and Oikawa all being soulmates, except with a wonderful twist perfectly suited to the needs of my sadistic/depressing side. So without further ado, I present to you, Past the Point of No Return: Kageyama's Story, first story of the series Past the Point of No Return! Enjoy!

To say Kageyama loved volleyball would be an understatement.

He lived volleyball. He breathed it. Volleyball was at the center of his thoughts, day and night. It defined him, made him feel joyous just thinking about it. Kageyama Tobio was completely and utterly possessed by volleyball.

And it got to the point were volleyball was all he had. It was all that was there for him, when he was happy or sad, angry or lonely. It was the only constant in his life. Knowing that he could play volleyball was what got him out of bed every morning, even when his parents got new jobs away from Miyagi, leaving Tobio all alone back at home. Home. Could it even be called home now? It was just a place that he would sleep at. There was nothing grounding him there, no happy memories or precious items. They all left with his parents.

Even as a small boy who hadn't even began his first year at Junior High, Kageyama experienced what most people don't fully comprehend until they're off to college: That at the end of the day, you are on your own. Even then, he found solace in knowing that he still had another chance at finding someone to love, or more importantly, someone who would stay with him: his soulmates.


	2. Surprising Skill

_Two steps to the right. Bend your knees. Feel the ball land in your awaiting fingertips. Change its direction and force. Spiker on the right and left. Blockers positioned on both sides. Center wide open. Dump it._

Instructions came in the form of whispered words inside his head, guiding him along on analyzing the opponents' positions and deciding what play to use. It was the match point of the second set for the Little Falcons of Akiyama Elementary. They had already snagged the first set, and Kageyama could taste the victory of winning in straight sets on the tip of his tongue.

Being careful to not give away his intentions with even the slightest shift in his form, he quickly tipped the ball over the net, startling several players on the opposing team. He watched as the libero from the other team lunged to receive it, but Kageyama already could tell that it was too late. The ball bounced off the floor, the libero's hand mere centimeters away from the spot it bounced off of.

The referee sounded his whistle, signaling the end of the match. It was only a practice game, it didn't mean anything, didn't let them advance in the next round of an important tournament, but for Kageyama, the victory might as well have been a real game. His teammates and coach looked amazed at him, his teammates for not knowing he would do that, an his coach for being awed by the fact that Kageyama had just preformed a setter dump despite not knowing what a setter dump actually was. When asked later, Kageyama would respond be innocently saying he had seen someone at the practice courts in his community doing it so he wanted to give it a try as well.

After their opponents had left and the gym was all cleaned up, Kageyama began to quietly go through all the plays both teams had made as he gathered his gear and began to walk home. He made quick mental notes of the mistakes he and his teammates made, also trying to remember how the other team did their especially strong blocks. Only knowing how to set wouldn't make him the starter for the team in the future he knew, improving on his other skills would be the only way he would be able to climb up the ranks in middle and high school.

He couldn't wait for middle school to finally begin. He had managed to earn himself a spot at Kitagawa Daiichi, one of the best middle schools for volleyball. He couldn't believe it when he'd gotten his acceptance letter in the mail, and even now he wasn't sure if the realization had kicked in. He was only pulled out of his thoughts as a pair of joggers ran by him. They were a couple; the faint glowing of the soul mark could easily be seen through the man's flimsy tank top. He frowned as he once again got sucked back into his thoughts, for once thinking about soulmates instead of volleyball.

He subconsciously traced his soul mark over the fabric of his shirt, wondering about who his soulmates would be and when he would find them. Many of his peers had already found theirs, and although it wasn't uncommon to find your soulmate until later in life, Kageyama was anxious to meet them as soon as possible. He had a pair of double-bladed swords as his mark, the slimmer and longer one an extravagant, shimmery golden color, and the shorter but bulkier one a simple gunmetal gray. So contrasting and yet, they looked so... right together. He wondered what that meant for his soulmate, as usually your mark was a representation of your soulmate. Tobio spent the rest of the day daydreaming about finally meeting his soulmate and living happily ever after.

The remainder of the year went by quickly and before he knew it, Tobio had graduated and started his summer break. Only 3 more months until I can finally start Kitagawa Daiichi! He wasn't sure what to do over break though, as it was the first summer break he'd spend without his parents and they usually used the longer breaks to travel as a family. His parents. They hadn't tried to call him in 5 months, like he had ceased to exist! Fine, if that's how they wanted it Tobio wouldn't try and contact them either. As long as they kept sending money for bills and food, they could continue pretending to be strangers.

He snapped at of his reverie and looked around his empty house and decided that he might as well go outside and walk around town. Who knows, maybe he'd find something interesting. And that's how Kageyama discovered a volleyball court, hidden in a corner of a neighborhood park he never bothered to go to before. Sure, the net was a little ripped and slightly crooked, but there was a net! He had somewhere to practice. And maybe other kids would come and he could play with them! For someone who was never able to make many friends, this was an exciting prospect for Kageyama. He went home that night, feeling excited about the future.

****

Summer was flying by pretty quickly as well, and before he knew it, Kageyama only had half a month left before his first day at junior high school. Each day so far had been pretty normal: Wake up, complete morning routine, eat breakfast and pack lunch, play volleyball till dark, come home, eat dinner, go to sleep, and repeat. He had been able to become acquainted with a couple of neighborhood kids who also enjoyed volleyball, and somedays he'd be able to play with them. But on this fateful day, Tobio was reminded of a subject he hadn't thought about in months: Soulmates.

As usual, he practiced volleyball at the hidden court in the park, but as he began to walk home, he felt a sharp pain in his chest, right before a buzzing feeling began. What the- _OH. HOLY- HERE! SOULMATE IS HERE! OH CRAP! WHAT DO I DO? WHERE ARE THEY? IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL? WHAT DO I EVEN LOOK FOR?_

It was like all the wind had been knocked out of his chest, he could barely breathe and he felt like screaming in happiness. But just as quickly as it started buzzing, the mark began to return to its original state, leaving Kageyama confused. His emotions and thoughts were all jumbled up into a whirlwind that he couldn't seem to control. But he knew one thing for certain: His mate also lived in Miyagi. And that one piece of knowledge was enough to make him as happy as winning a volleyball game would've. After all, that meant very soon, he wouldn't be alone anymore. Finally, someone would stay with him. Love him. 

***** 

Tobio woke up with a start, his alarm clock blaring in his ear, and for a second he was tempted to break that devil device and go back to bed. But he shot out of bed as soon as he remembered that he finally began middle school today. He'd actually get to play real volleyball games this year, and compete in tournaments. And maybe.... even his soulmates would go to Kitagawa Daiichi too! Maybe they played volleyball too! His thoughts spurred on his actions even further, and he nearly forgot to grab his schoolbag and lunch as he ran, legs pumping and lungs heaving as he sprinted all the way to school. When he finally reached the entrance, he couldn't help the wide smile that spread across his face.

He was normally a rather straight-faced, shy kid, but today he chattered amongst other first years easily, getting along especially well with two other first years, Kunimi Akira and Kindaichi Yuutarou. They were also volleyball players, and they decided to try out for the volleyball club together. Getting through the classes went better than he expected, as he absolutely despised studies, but his teacher and classmates all seemed to be very kind and easy to get along with. Finally, as the last bell of the day rang, Tobio's excitement levels went through the roof, nearly running into a group of second year girls in his haste to meet Kunimi and Kindaichi in front of the volleyball gym before practice started.

After a constant rhythm of bobbing and weaving through the crowd, he finally caught a glimpse of Kindaichi's ridiculous, onion-like hair. They quickly shared polite greetings as they entered the gym, Kageyama and Kindaichi tripping over each other in their haste to get started, as Kunimi slowly slunk inside after them. As soon as Tobio crossed the threshold of the gym, he was hit with another sharp pang in his chest, similar to the one he got that day during the summer. And once again, Kageyama felt like he couldn't breathe, and he wasn't sure whether or not it was from the pangs and buzzing in his chest, or the feeling of uncontainable happiness that his mate was nearby and played volleyball as well.

He scanned the room as quickly as he could, searching for his destined mate, his other half. And as his eyes swept over the crowd, he quickly pinpointed a pair of chocolatey brown eyes boring into him, seemingly into his soul. And right next to him, another equally stunning pair of green eyes. But, they were holding hands. This confused Tobio greatly. He was sure that one of them was his mate, as he hadn't felt a pull from anyone else, but maybe he didn't look hard enough. They were clearly together, so Tobio went back to scanning the gym, looking for someone else he felt a pull to. But the entire time, something in his head was screaming at him. If only he could figure out what was wrong.

_Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime._

Those were their names.

The brown-eyed one was Oikawa and Iwaizumi had green eyes. They were both so perfect seeming, and they played even better than they looked. Oikawa was a setter just like him, except clearly more advanced, and his serve was unlike anything Tobio had ever seen before. That boy was a monster, a beautiful, angelic monster in Kageyama's eyes. Iwaizumi exuded strength and confidence, something that Kageyama assumed came with the role of being the team's ace. They were both such strong, amazing players, and they seemed to be really amazing with each other. The perfect volleyball power couple.

After realizing this fact, Tobio became a insecure about wondering how he could ever live up to two people who seemed leagues above him. And then he felt guilty and angry for thinking such things about two boys who were clearly already bonded to each other and not his soulmate.

_Why am I even thinking about this? I have my own soulmate and I bet they're amazing. Get yourself together!_ Tobio scolded himself as he was changing in the locker rooms. The first day in the club had gone really well, and everyone was heading home now. As he stepped out of a private changing stall (He had never been very comfortable changing in front of others), he noticed that everyone had already left while he was lost in his thoughts. Quickly, Tobio grabbed his belongs and raced outside, not wanting to accidently get locked inside on his very first day. 

"You know, you change quite slowly. Almost thought that Iwa-chan and I would have to spend all night waiting for you to leave."

Kageyama froze as he heard a voice come from behind him, followed by a mocking laugh. He slowly turned around, only to find Oikawa and Iwaizumi waiting for him next to the gym doors. He watched as Iwaizumi and Oikawa pushed themselves off the wall they were leaning on and walked towards them, even their steps in perfect sync. He looked both of them square in the eyes, trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach when both of them approached him. Iwaizumi's face was perfectly blank and so was Oikawa's, except for the malice lurking in the depths of his eyes that Kageyama might've missed if he wasn't looking so carefully.

"Come on... Tobio-chan was it? Iwa-chan and I need to have a little chat with you." All of a sudden, Kageyama felt caution and panic overpower the butterflies and consume him.


	3. Lost Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OIY! LOOKIE HERE FOR A MINUTE! Great now that I have your attention... Enjoy the chapter!  
> (XD the urge to do that was too strong)(Don't ask I'm #weird4life)  
> And yes this is a pretty short chapter.... Hopefully the next one will be longer and out a little sooner!

Tobio wrung his hands anxiously as soon as those words left Oikawa's mouth, his hands suddenly starting to sweat at the boy's ominous tone. He kept his eyes downcast, taking a sudden interest in the details of their athletic shoes. He couldn't bring himself to look up, starting to squirm at the mere thought of those blank eyes both of his seniors were sporting.

"At least have the decency to look when I'm talking to you Tobio-chan. It's basic manners. You wouldn't want your upperclassmen to think you're rude right?" Oikawa's voice cut sharply through the silence they were in.

Kageyama flinched at his words, jerking his head up and immediately wishing he could find some excuse to look away again. He felt like a cornered animal, and he felt the sudden urge to laugh with how tense he was, the laughter nearly spilling past his lips. Luckily, he managed to force it down. There was no need to appear insane in front of two people admired. He bowed his head forward.

"Sorry Oikawa-senpai and Iwaizumi-senpai. I didn't mean to seem rude." Tobio uttered very sincerely.

He heard a scoff slip from Oikawa's mouth, Iwaizumi only giving the brown-haired setter a quick glare before turning back to face Kageyama and re-arranging his features back into an unreadable mask. Rolling his eyes, the older setter addressed his junior again.

"Sure Tobio-chan. Now moving onto more important subjects, I wanted to ask you a very important question: Have you met your soulmate yet?" He spat the word _soulmate_ like it was some type of insult, and Tobio suddenly found himself becoming defensive.

"I don't see how this is any of our concern Oikawa-senpai. What does it -"Tobio's words were cut off as he felt his head being jerked to the right, white-hot pain flaring up in his cheek.

The metallic taste of blood filled his mouth, and he realized he'd probably bit into his gums with his teeth. He quickly began to spit the blood out, the red liquid gleaming slightly from the pale moonlight illuminating it. He looked up it Oikawa again, disbelieving of the fact that he'd just been slapped, and nearly took a step back in shock when he saw the pure, unfiltered hate on the older boy's face, twisting his usually handsome face into a morbid expression. Kageyama froze, fear overtaking every thought and sense in him, leaving him slightly gaping at the older two as he tried to calm himself down.

"Answer my question you stupid brat! Did you or did you not meet your soulmate yet?!" Oikawa practically snarled in Tobio's face, causing the younger one to let out an involuntary flinch at his words.

"Yes-No- I mean.... I-I think so..."Tobio managed to stutter out, still trying to wrap his mind around what the hell was going on, and why he had to fight down a blush when Oikawa got so close to him.

…And why the hell was his chest buzzing so mu- _Oh no. It's not possible. But... that makes no sense! He... Iwaizumi-senpai... what the...?_ You could see the realization dawn on Tobio's face, looking at both of his senpais... his _soulmates...._ in horror. Which quickly changed into happiness, which then turned into confusion. Those three emotions were warring in Kageyama's mind, making him even more dazed than before and he could feel the beginning of a nasty migraine coming on.

He looked towards Oikawa, who still looked at him with hate, before quickly shifting his attention to Iwaizumi, whose face remained as blank as ever. Not willing to face Oikawa so soon again, he tried to decipher what the green-eyed boy was thinking. He searched his face, his eyes for any sign of emotion, but it was to no avail, as Iwaizumi eventually ended up taking a couple steps back until he was in the shadow of the school gym. Reluctantly, Tobio shifted his gaze back to Oikawa... and what he saw shocked him.

He could see the veins popping out from his neck and forehead, the anger apparently simmering in the brunette's mind now about to overflow. This time, Kageyama knew what was about to happen, and he was able to get at least one thought through to his muscles: _RUN._

Tobio quickly pivoted on his heels, gripping his training gear and schoolbags tightly before flying across the pavement and over the grass, tripping over his own feet in the process. He could hear the growl escape Oikawa's mouth, and the surprised shout Iwaizumi gave out, as he skirted past the side of another building on campus, and out the front entrance of the school. He knew he had to hurry, he could hear footsteps pounding behind him, getting closer.

_Goddammit! If only I didn't have all this stuff with me. I don't think I'll be able to make it home before they catch up to me. I'll have to lose them._ Tobio pumped his legs faster than he'd ever had before at the sound of footfalls drawing nearer and nearer to him. He darted around a street corner and into a nearby alleyway, ducking behind the large boxes and trashcans in an effort to hide himself. It didn't work. He saw Oikawa appear as he was trying to fit his bag behind with him, and he knew the other had seen him when he saw the dark smirk overtake the brunette's face.

Kageyama launched himself out of the hiding spot as quick as he could but it was useless, Oikawa materializing in front of him and shoving him into the corner of the alleyway. His eyes desperately searching for an escape route, Tobio scanned every inch of his surroundings as the older boy began to laugh, a sharp, sinister sound much different from the handsome laugh he gave during the day's practice. Tobio shrunk in on himself trying to make himself as small as possible, the only action he had left to do in an attempt to protect himself and prolong the inevitable.

"Judging by your reaction, I'm assuming you know about the screw up the universe has made." the older boy said, frigid eyes pinning Kageyama to the spot.

"Please don't do this. I understand if you don't want to acknowledge me as your soulmate, but please don't reject me." Kageyama hated how weak his voice sounded, his instincts to prevent rejection winning over his pride.

It was to no avail. He could only stare as Oikawa let out another bone-chilling laugh before saying, "I, Oikawa Tooru, reject you, Kageyama Tobio, as my soulmate."

Tobio could only stare as he felt his heart shatter into tiny pieces of glass, forever embedded in his lungs, preventing him from breathing properly. He could only stare as he heard the quiet murmur of Iwaizumi echoing the same words from somewhere behind Oikawa, the only thought he could comprehend being _Oh.... he was bringing their bags. That's why he was so late._ And he could only stare as both of his soulm- _ex_ soulmates walked out of the alleyway, not even bothering to look back at him. 

****

He barely remembered grabbing his bags and leaving the alleyway, barely remembered getting home, barely remembered what happened the rest of the evening. Tobio was finally forced to zone back in as the first waves of pain began to roll over his body, shaking it like a violent earthquake shakes a house. He noticed he was in his bed, thankful that he was already lying down instead of standing as he was sure he would've fallen from the sheer force the pain was overtaking him in.

He was expecting it. Soulmate rejections are rare, the bond between all parties involved so strong that they'd usually never be able to resist the pull of it. However, once in blue moon, there was a soul bond that ended in rejection. When that occurred, only the rejected party would experience the pain of having their soul bond torn away from them. Kageyama could feel his eyes start to water and his vision turn hazy, sweat beading on his forehead. His t-shirt was already soaked with sweat, and he knew he was going to be in for a long night.

****

The next morning, some people awoke to an ambulance blaring outside on their street. Paramedics were carrying a young, black-haired boy on a stretcher, spasms of pain wracking his body at odd intervals. They left for the nearest hospital. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bone-chilling chapter just in time for Halloween!
> 
> Yes I'm well aware of how insensitive that was... poor kags :(((((  
> Wait.... I'm the one writing out his pain......  
> Whelp.... I'm going to hell!  
> Until next time!


	4. Wilting Wallflower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS!!!! I'm trying out a new style of writing. It's a lot more properly spaced out, rather than the ginormous paragraph clumps that I usually do. It seems easier on the eyes to read this way so let me know if this is better than before. It's certainly easier for me to proof read this way! And my posting schedule is going to be really strange. I'm a high school student who loves to procrastinate so.... well you never know when the mood to write will actually strike me! Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> **Update: I've edited the previous chapters to match this format as well now

_Beep, beep, beep._ Kageyama awoke to the steady sound of the device monitoring his heartbeat, his eyes trying to adjust to the light of the room he was in. He shot awake, the sudden realization of not being in _his_ room hitting him. _What the hell happened last night?_ Right on cue, a doctor entered, his pristine white coat, coupled with the monitors and wires Tobio now noticed, an obvious indicator of his position.

"Good morning Kageyama-kun! I hope you're feeling better today. Is there any pain leftover? If so, could you tell me where exactly?" the doctor began his gentle stream of questions, trying not to overwhelm the obviously confused boy. "I understand you must have questions, and I'll be more than happy to answer them.... Once I finish your checkup."

Kageyama nodded, and began answering the questions. The examination was brief, the doctor thorough and swift in his movements. After turning away for a couple minutes to jot everything down, the doctor turned back to Kageyama and began explaining a couple things to him first.

"First of all, my name is Dr. Ren Hoshimi. You were brought to the hospital earlier today after a neighbor reported screaming coming from your house. It's currently 2 in the afternoon, and we have already informed your school of your absence for today. We also tried contacting your parents, but we couldn't seem to reach them. Is there another number that we can call them on? We left them a voice message just in case they decide to call back."

Kageyama already knew that they wouldn't bother calling back. Nevertheless, he nodded along only saying "No, that's the only number to reach them on."

Dr. Ren was apprehensive, a small frown forming at the corners of the mouth. Kageyama didn't notice. "When will I be discharged and allowed to go home?"

"You can sign the papers when you are ready. The pain should be completely gone now, as well as the spasms. Concluding by the fact we found no physical traces of abuse or anything like that, would I be right in assuming that the pain was caused by the - and pardon me if I'm being too intrusive - soulmate bond?" 

Kageyama tensed up a little at that, producing a barely noticeable, stiff nod to acknowledge the doctor's words. "Yes, it was. Oh, would you perhaps know how to put up a wall for the soul bond."

Dr. Ren listed off a couple of good websites that could walk him through the basic steps of putting up a wall. " Also be careful whilst you are doing so. Walls are painful to put up and extremely taxing to keep up. I'd recommend that you keep them up only when your soulmates are around and even then, only keep up the wall if you absolutely have to. And if you keep it up for too many years on end, it could start to have mental and physical effects on your wellbeing."

Tobio nodded and requested the discharge papers. "Thank you, hakase."

"No problem Kageyama-kun." 

*****

Kageyama opened his already unlocked door and stepped inside his house. He felt as though a decade had passed since he had return home, with so much happening in a span of 24 hours. He wasn't counting coming back home last night, he could barely remember that after all.

After removing his shoes and putting on a pair of house slippers, he shuffled into the kitchen and began prepping some eggs, vegetables, and rice for a light dinner. Even as he sat down to eat, he'd felt this new weight on him, making the empty house seem more lonely and barren than it had been before. He never felt too bad before, getting used to being alone and taking care of himself. But it was like when his parents first moved out again, leaving him feeling hurt and abandoned.

He ate the rest of his meal hurriedly, not wanting to dwell too much on these unwanted feelings and thoughts, before going upstairs to look up the articles Ren-hakase had mentioned. They were all very informative, ranging from proper research papers to bloggers' personal experiences with dealing with walls and putting them up. They all said pretty much the same thing though: Walls are extremely painful, and that a person should avoid having to put one up at all costs. _Well, there's no avoiding it. Might as well practice putting one up. It's not like I can avoid my sou- my senpais at school tomorrow. Better to be prepared than be sorry._

Kageyama spent the rest of the evening doing so, nearly passing out several times from how excruciating the pain was. He'd rather have broken bones, feeling like someone was tearing at his heart and lungs every time he began building the wall, his stomach on fire. Tobio would double over in pain, tears streaming down his cheeks and blood dripping from his nose. Oddly enough, he began to feel calmer while looking at the pool of blood that was gathering on the wooden floors below, using it as a focus point to finish building the wall. It took him 4 tries to successfully get the wall up and hold it, the pure agony fading into a duller, more manageable pain at the end of it.

Kageyama allowed a small sense of victory to overtake him, feeling proud that he was able to accomplish something most adults had trouble doing. He fell asleep with a smile on his face, not even once looking at his phone which he hadn't bothered checking the entire night. If he did, he would have noticed a great number of missed calls from two numbers.

****

Tobio strolled into the boys' bathroom during the 10 minute break he had, a little bit of anxiety creeping up on him as he felt the school day draw closer to an end, not looking forward, for once in his life, to being able to practice volleyball with other people. He did a quick scan of the bathroom, making sure nobody was in there, before yanking down his uniform a little to expose the double-bladed swords on his chest.

They had faded in color, something he had expected, but was still heartbreaking to see. He heard voices draw near before the door swung open, Kageyama quickly fixing his shirt and pretending to wash his hands. He looked down at his hands, getting so lost in thought that he didn't even notice the two third years walking his way.

"Tobio-chan!" _Oh no_... he knew that voice. No one else at this school addressed him so familiarly.

_No, not now. I'm not ready! The wall isn't up! Shit!_ Kageyama gripped the edge of the sink tightly, his knuckles turning white from the force. He slowly dragged his gaze upwards to meet one pair of chocolatey eyes, and another pair of emerald eyes. Oikawa was putting on that same smile he used for his fan girls. It pissed Tobio off, fear turning into bitter resentment at the sight of that goddamn smile. _How can he just stand there smiling as if nothing happened yesterday?! How can he smile at ME like that after what he did yesterday?!_ At least Iwaizumi had the sense to look away, although Kageyama wasn't sure of that made him less angry or more. 

" _What?"_ Tobio all but growled at them, trying his best not to let too much resentment slip past.

He failed horribly, Oikawa's smile turning into something more dangerous, his eyes narrowing into slits. That hate inside of Tobio quickly turned back into fear. He felt as if he couldn't move, pinned down by that dark stare. Even worse, he could feel his mark burning painfully, vile emotions reaching him from their sides of the bond. He couldn't _breathe._

"Now now, that's no way to talk to your senpais right Tobio-chan. Hmmm? I'd suggest you watch your tone. Understood, first year?" Oikawa's tone was even more terrifying than his smile at this point, and Tobio all but collapsed where he stood when both boys brushed past him and went to use the bathroom stalls.

Screw unnecessary pain, screw health risks. He needed to put up that wall _now._ He concentrated, imagining that pool of blood that looked oddly mesmerizing, and began building a wall, one step at a time. It was much less excruciating this time, and he didn't bleed from anywhere. But that throb at the back of his mind wouldn't go away, and he resigned himself to the fact that he'd just have to live with it. He wanted to be strong enough to at least be able to do that. He exited the bathroom just as he heard a toilet flush and someone leave the stall.

*****

Iwaizumi's POV

Iwaizumi had never been more confused in his life, torn between choosing Oikawa or choosing Kageyama. He knew having both was impossible, Oikawa hated Kageyama too much for that to happen. Oikawa had been his companion since forever, he was a vital part of his life, and he knew he couldn't risk losing him no matter what. He decided that he'd go along with Oikawa for now, getting him help, and then they could all be together, the three of them.

_Kageyama will be okay. He has his family there to help him. He has volleyball. He has Kunimi and Kindaichi. He'll be fine._ And yet, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself this, he couldn't shake that nauseous feeling from the pit of his stomach. It just got worse after he and Oikawa rejected him and left. He didn't want to just leave the blue-eyed boy in that alleyway, but he knew Oikawa was close to snapping. He had stepped back into the shadow of the building when they first cornered him after practice to avoid looking him in the eye. He knew he would've broke if he did, his careful mask shattering under that stormy gaze. The stormy gaze he made cloudy when he rejected him.

Iwaizumi's stomach just got worse this morning, seeing Kageyama in the bathroom. The hate in his voice, Iwaizumi had just wanted to run to him and hug him and never let go. He wanted to drop to his knees and beg the boy not to look at him with such hate and pain, but he held himself together, nearly passing out with relief when he finally entered the toilet stall.

He decided that he'd speak with Kageyama, explain what was going on and why he needed to reject Kageyama and reassure him that he did want him as his soulmate. And then he felt this sudden emptiness. And he knew what happened. When both he and Oikawa rejected Kageyama yesterday, it had only been a partial rejection. Tobio didn't accept it, meaning he had a faint awareness that Tobio was still there. For the rejection to be complete, Kageyama would have to face them both and reject them to their faces and have them accept. Not that he ever would, of course.

Only the first rejection wouldn't need acceptance, because it could still be easily reversed. If Kageyama rejected them both in return, it would completely sever their bond by the thin cord still connecting them. It would take _years_ to rebuild that, and even then there was no guarantee that it would ever be repaired. The only solace Iwaizumi had was that there would never be another soulmate for Tobio, it was impossible... 

He quickly walked out of the bathroom stall just to see Kageyama exit. He hurriedly washed his hands and ran out, but it was to no avail. The first year had already been swallowed up by the crowd, and Iwaizumi had no idea where his class was. He stood there for another minute before Oikawa came out.

"Ugh, just seeing Tobio-chan today made my stomach flip. I was so close to vomiting. Well, no more talk about that pathetic loser. Let's head to lunch Iwa-chan."

Everything in Iwaizumi screamed to berate Oikawa for talking so badly about their soulmate, but all he did was nod and follow his other soulmate, forcing any thought of the blue-eyed boy out of his mind for the rest of the day.

… Until he went to volleyball practice. 

… And Tobio didn't show up.

… Just like he didn't show up for the rest of the week.

And when he asked the coach what happened, his heart nearly stopped. "Ahhh Kageyama Tobio. He quit earlier this week. Said there was an unexpected conflict in his schedule and that he'd be able to rejoin next year. Pity, he couldn't join this year though. He's a promising young boy, and I was hoping Oikawa could teach him a thing or two before you third years graduated."

_No, that's not why he quit._ He would be able to join next year? No, there was no schedule conflict. _He_ was the problem. He and Oikawa. Iwaizumi felt bile rise up in his throat, but he forced it down, managing a quick nod towards the coach before turning around and returning to practice.

He tried to reach out for Kageyama through the bond, hoping he'd feel something. _Anything._ But he was once again met by emptiness. The wall was still up. Iwaizumi returned to receiving drills with the team, reassuring the brown-haired setter that he was fine when some of his anxiousness made its way to Oikawa through the bond.

He wondered when he'd gotten so good at lying that even _Oikawa_ couldn't tell. Wondered when he'd gotten so good at lying to himself when he convinced _himself_ that he'd see Kageyama soon, despite that voice in the back of his head that kept on screaming at him. 

***

Soon enough, the third years graduated. It was an emotional day for all as the third years reflected on the happy memories they'd made over the years, but Iwaizumi was the only one whose happiness was overshadowed by the worry in his heart. He hadn't seen his younger soulmate the entire year after the encounter in the bathroom, and it was like he vanished off the face of the Earth. Even Kunimi and Kindaichi hadn't seen him, replying that he'd stopped talking to them completely by the end of their first month at Kitagawa Daiichi.

****

2 years later, at the Boys Junior High Finals for Volleyball 

He looked down at the bench, his eyes resting on the shaking setter who'd been subbed out. His eyes darted to his soulmate, watching in worry as the brown-haired setter by his side looked on with venom at the scene below. At the _setter_ below. And all Iwaizumi could think was:

_What the hell happened in the past two years???_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUUUNNNNN! We'll see you next time on the Vi Tortures Her Readers Show! I'm pretty sure I'll do a little bit of Oikawa's POV next chapter before switching back to Kageyama.


	5. Detrimental Defeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Just a quick warning, this chapter is a little... disturbing. Read with caution. There is mentions of rape and other forms of abuse. If you have been raped or abused in any other way, please seek help from others. You don't have to go through the suffering and pain alone, there is someone out there willing to talk and help you. They will believe you. And it wasn't your fault that it happened, no matter what. Rape and abuse are unacceptable and there are no reasons to justify either of them.
> 
> National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (24/7)  
> National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673  
> Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453

Oikawa's POV

**_WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING????!!!! THAT BASTARD IS RUINING THE ENTIRE TEAM! WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT! GENIUS SETTER??? GENIUS SETTER MY ASS! THE KING OF THE COURT IS A FUCKING FITTING NAME! THAT PATHETIC KING!_ **

Oikawa was livid, barely stopping himself from hopping the rail of the bleachers above the courts and strangling that pathetic king. He couldn't believe his eyes. He'd come back to watch the third years' match to see how his sou- _rival_ was doing and analyzing his playing style. He had to get ready to beat him next year and prove that he was better than that.... UGH. And what did he come to find????

That disgusting piece of shit down there had no place being his rival. Tooru almost felt ashamed - no, he felt so ashamed - that he once considered him a worthy opponent. Ushiwaka was irritating, but at least he was a good team player. The monstrosity down there had no place playing a team sport. 

Soon, the ref's whistle was blown for the last time, signaling the end of the game. The backup setter wasn't bad, but he wasn't as good as Kageyama. There was just no way for Kitagawa Daiichi to beat the opposing team's blockers. They had lost.

All Oikawa could see was _red_. He barely registered the team coming to the stands and bowing, Kageyama immediately heading into the main halls as soon as he had gathered his gear. Iwaizumi had gone down to console the team and congratulate them for making it so far, but Oikawa had different plans.

He stormed out of the bleacher area and went searching for a certain Number 2 on the Kitagawa Daiichi team. Turning the bend, he finally made out a figure squatting next to the bathrooms. He ran forward and grabbed the younger's shirt, hauling him up and slamming him against the wall.

Kageyama's POV

Pain flared in Tobio's back as he was shoved into the wall. He blinked, dazed, before he noticed who exactly had grabbed him. Blue eyes met brown and Kageyama wanted to vomit. There was so much unbridled hate in those usually sassy brown eyes. It was worse than time he had been rejected by the older setter, and this time, Iwaizumi wasn't around to stop Oikawa from doing anything too brash.

"You had better not think of coming to Seijoh next year, _King."_ Oikawa spat out at him.

Kageyama's already shattered heart shattered even further into smaller pieces, and he could feel the glass shards of his heart dig even deeper into his lungs. _Even he's using that nickname. Well what did you expect? You deserve it, stupid tyrannical dictator._

He was snapped out of his reverie by Oikawa shoving him away, tossing him aside like a rag doll. Kageyama went sprawling on the floor, and pain shot up in his wrist as he landed on it. Oikawa didn't notice, or if he did, he didn't care.

"I don't need you ruining another team of mine. If I see you next year, I'm going to crush you happily like the little insect you are. WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT! See you around, _your majesty"_ , the older boy stormed away, not even bothering to glance back at the form on the floor, unmoving due to being so paralyzed with fear and sadness.

Kageyama's POV

A second passed, and then another, and Kageyama could feel his front shatter, sobbing freely when he was sure the other was gone. Heavens knows how he'd managed to put up a front so long in front of Oikawa and not broken down into tears as he took the abuse. He couldn't take it anymore. 

_Worthless piece of shit._

Those words echoed in his mind as he grabbed his gear and ran, not bothering to go on the bus like the rest of his team. It was a two hour walk, but he'd be fine. He couldn't face anyone else right now.

***

1 year ago

Tobio had rejoined the volleyball team the previous year (after his soulmates left), and he was welcomed back with open arms. But for some reason, he no longer felt the same spark he'd felt when he used to play before. It was no surprise: Volleyball was his biggest connection to his soulmates. But, despite his resentment towards the sport slowly building up, he continued to play and excel at it, because volleyball was also the sport his beloved grandfather had taught him.

Kageyama Kazuyo was closest thing to a true parental figure Tobio had in his life. Even whilst they were still around in Miyagi, Kageyama's parents had never shown much interest in their son, not even bothering to ask him if he'd eaten. There was cooked food in the fridge and a roof over his head. According to his parents, he should be grateful that he even had those things. Kazuyo was the only one who'd shown Tobio what warmth and love is, and volleyball was their way of connecting.

And then Kazuyo had died.

And Kageyama finally snapped.

He had always been reserved and awkward with his emotions and speech, a big part of why he'd never really had any friends. But all of the hate, sadness, and fear he'd accumulated over the past 2 years had no real outlet to be released through. Volleyball wasn't _enough._ And so, Kageyama began to turn harsher, crueler. It began gradually, with only irritation on his face and words spoken rather impatiently, but he never was satisfied. It didn't matter how hard everyone tried, it wasn't _enough_. 

After Kazuyo's death, Kageyama became obsessed with the idea of going to nationals. It was something his grandfather always hoped would happen, saying that they day Tobio made it there, he'd be in the stands, cheering for him the loudest. Kageyama _needed_ to fulfil that dream, the price be damned. He was sure his team understood his urgency. He'd never been the best at communicating, but surely they'd understood _that …_ right? 

***

5 months ago

_Why can't they understand?!_ Tobio had been walking down the street after practice, the evening practice running so late he was left walking alone in the pitch black darkness of night.

He wasn't scared though, he was used to being by himself. And he had definitely experienced fears worse than the dark. Fears he'd _lived_ through, and would continue having to live through. And besides, his house was only twenty minutes from the school, he'd be fine. For some reason, he found himself back at the alleyway Iwaizumi and Oikawa rejected him at. He would often find himself here, the place haunted his thoughts day and night, how could he avoid it?

Except this time, it wasn't empty.

There were two guys there, both extremely drunk from what he could tell, and they were approaching him. Unease started creeping up at him, and he knew that it would be best to just hurry home, but for some reason, his feet weren't moving. Both men came closer to him, and Tobio could smell the sharp scent of alcohol on them. He began quaking in fear.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here? A little boy walking around all alone at night. Didn't your mama tell you not to walk alone at night. Bad things could happen you know...." the first man leered at him, and Kageyama screamed at himself to move, but he couldn't. 

_**No, no, no! Come on, move dammit! Work you stupid legs! Why are they coming closer??!! No, stay back! Why won't my mouth open???!!** _

"S-Stay b-ba-back!" Kageyama had finally managed to force the words out of his mouth, hating at how weak and feeble he sounded. The first man just laughed as the second one came closer and gripped the front of his shirt. Tobio wanted to scream, but again not a single sound came out. It was like his vocal cords were broken, and fear completely overcame his mind.

"Ohoho, you think you can get away with talking to us like that? Little boys should respect their elders. Let's teach him a lesson." the second man whispered into his ear, saying the last part to his friend.

They shared an evil smirk, before the second man dragged him into the alleyway.

****

It was like everything happened in slow motion. Kageyama could still feel the pain as they took turns ripping into him, taking away any innocence he had. He always wondered why people would say they had wanted to just skip time to a later point.

Now he understood.

It was like an out of body experience, like he was watching what happened to his body from an outsider's perspective, with their detachment. He was covered in the fluids of the other men, long gone, laughing as they zipped up their pants and left him lying in the alleyway, used and unmoving.

He could feel their fluids slip out from his rear, and he knew he was bleeding from back there as well. No screams came out after they initially entered him; he just stared blankly, praying that it would all be over soon. They called him a little slut, saying that he enjoyed what they were doing to him. And he found himself agreeing. He didn't want it, not one bit, but he let them use him. _I couldn't even fight back. I just let them. I deserved it. Worthless slut. No one cares._

He laid there for a while, before eventually finding his pants, dressing, and walking back home, despite the pain he was in. He didn't call anyone, why would he? He was just a burden on everyone. His parents, his soulmates. That's why they left. _He_ wasn't good enough.

Tomorrow was Saturday, he could just heal over the weekend and be back all fine on Monday. Yes, he had volleyball. Volleyball would always be there for him. Tobio went straight to sleep after reaching home, only detouring to take a shower and clean himself. He just wanted to wash tonight's events from his body and forget it all.

But later at night as he laid in bed, he could still feel himself covered in _their_ liquids.

He was still _terrified_.

He couldn't _speak._

He never went back to that alleyway again.

****

Present Day

Kageyama reached home, slumping against the door as it clicked shut. He grabbed his head in his hands as tears poured down his cheeks even harder. Why did he have to remember that memory _now_? Of all times, why _now_? He just wanted to _forget_.

_ I deserved it. Worthless slut. No one cares. _

It kept repeating in head like a mantra. And then he remembered what Oikawa had said. 

_ I deserved it. Worthless slut. No one cares. **Worthless King of the Court.** _

Tobio slammed his head back against the door, ignoring the pain and lightheadedness it caused. _Isn't that the truth?_ Even volleyball had abandoned him now. What was left for him then? _Nothing._

_ I deserved it. Worthless slut. No one cares. Worthless King of the Court. _

The new, modified mantra played on repeat in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty rough right? I was initially planning to write out the rape scene fully, but I.... couldn't. I didn't want to downplay the pain and suffering rape survivors go through. I have watched and read some of the statements made by rape and abuse survivors, but I understand that the trauma and level of abuse varies for everyone. And even though I am writing out other mentions of abuse, it's in no way or form my intention to downplay the seriousness of that too. So, I apologize in advance if I have or do so in the future. Stay safe, and remember, there's always someone out there who's willing to listen and help if you need.
> 
> National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255  
> National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673  
> Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453


	6. Crappy Conclusions to Brutal Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As y'all can kinda tell from the title, this chapter isn't going to move the plot of the story along too much as it's more of a transition chapter so we can get more into the real shit. (My word choices are so eloquent XD)  
> And I'm soooo sorry for not updating for so long. It's been more than a month! But good news: My winter break is about to start so I'm going to have more free time to write. My goal is two chapters out before the end of the first week of January. No promises though as some... things may come up during break. I'll do my best guys!  
> As always: LEAVE COMMENTS GUYS!!! Seriously, I love reading comments whenever I get them, and your ideas are very much appreciated.  
> To the people who have written comments so far: A BIG THANK YOU! I'll do my best to incorporate ideas as per the story, and you guys have definitely given me a couple of good ideas that would work well in the story! But, I may twist them a little in a direction you may not have intended so sorry about that in advance XD (Sorry not sorry) (Oh dear lord I said that. Yup I'll stop typing now)

_It fucking hurts._

That's all Tobio could think about, clutching at his shirt, nearly keeling over every 5 minutes with how bad his chest hurt. School had ended not too long ago, and Tobio had managed to get through half of the summer break without too many surprises, before his stupid chest pains started.

He felt nauseous every time he thought about the acceptance letter he received from Seijoh. The letter he'd brutally ripped up after reading that he'd gotten in. How could he go? He could he face _them?_ No, he'd rather take Shiratorizawa's crazy entrance exam of pure bullshit than even consider going to Aoba Johsai. He'd failed by the way. Tobio had never been very … academically inclined. And he knew that.

Luckily for him, there was a third option: Karasuno. The entrance exams would definitely be much easier, and there'd even been rumors that the infamous Coach Ukai would be returning to coach the volleyball team. He probably would've been accepted with a volleyball scholarship, but there'd been no recommendation letter from his old coach at Kitagawa Daiichi, so he had to rely on his practically non-existent academic skills and pray that he'd pass. He was waiting on a letter from them still, which Kageyama took as a sign that things didn't necessarily go the way he hoped.

He'd gotten acceptance letters to other schools, but Karasuno was really his last hope for a chance at an even _potentially_ good high school volleyball career. Well, he'd allow himself to hold on to a little hope as there wasn't a definite "no" yet.

Currently, he was stuck in his living room, on the couch. Tobio was so damn _bored_. He'd had the same schedule for the past three summers, and he was just so sick of it. Volleyball was his entire life, but for once he was hoping for a little change in routine. For a little while, the blue-eyed boy debated between going to the store and getting ingredients to make a nice dinner, or even buying a book to read! Yup, he really was getting desperate.

Which is why, he didn't know whether or not to thank or curse at the universe when the worse cramp he'd had yet hit. He _screamed_. Vaguely, Tobio had registered the fact that he'd fallen off the couch and bumped into his coffee table. _Why didn't I feel anything? Isn't that supposed to hurt?_ Those thoughts could barely enter his mind before another wave of sharp, agonizing pain hit, forcing him to black out.

Outside, a mailman delivered a couple letters to the mailbox of a certain boy, currently passed out on the floor of his home. One of the letters delivered: A much prayed for acceptance letter.

********

The First Day of High School

"Damn it, what the hell is going on?" Tobio muttered to himself as he walked away from the crowd gathered outside for the principal and vice principal's big speech.

Tobio was nearly 100% positive his head was going to explode if he had to hear the VP's voice drone on for another five minutes about being respectful and how they should be proud for being able to attend a school like Karasuno. When Kageyama heard that he'd nearly snorted out loud. _I still don't get it. Seems like a pretty average school to me. What's so special about this place?_ But the main reason source of his rising irritation was the persistent pain in his chest. It'd been aching all morning, and he'd hoped that a walk would get him away from the speech and provide a distraction.

Two birds with one stone. 

Surprisingly enough, the blue eyed boy found himself in front of Gym No.1 after 5 minutes of walking. He'd been walking around aimlessly, not really having an intended destination in his mind. The subconscious was truly a fascinating thing, leading his straight to the place that would probably relax him the most. Or get him the most agitated, he wasn't sure which yet.

Things hadn't been going so well for Kageyama lately regarding volleyball. Much to his horror and severe panic, he began to lose interest in the sport. Over the course of the summer, his practices started becoming slightly less frequent, as he'd find himself completely unmotivated to get out of bed some days and would just end up laying there the whole day.

He just didn't feel the same thrill about playing anymore; he found himself less interested in doing _anything_. And that terrified him. Volleyball was all that he had left. _Without volleyball... who am I?_ He desperately hoped that playing with teammates would renew his almost-obsession in volleyball again. 

Inside the gym, the net had been already set up, indicating that members of the volleyball club would be coming back to the gym after the first day ceremonies were all over. Spying a cart of volleyballs in the corner of the gym, Kageyama decided on practicing his serves while he waited.

He began tossing up ball after ball, hating how a tiny voice in the back of his head would compare each toss, approach, and hit to Oikawa's. He could see his sou- former upperclassmen's serve flash in his mind every time his feet left the ground. It all flashed through his mind in a split second: Oikawa's eyes sharpening as he concentrated all his efforts on the ball in front of him, tossed it up to just the right height, before lowering himself as he made his approach, to the perfect arch of his back as he jumped and his feet left the ground. The impact of his hand smacking the ball in just the right angle, directing it wherever he wanted it to go without compromising on the sheer power behind it. Blink and you'd miss it; the ball would be bouncing in the opponent's court and going out if you dared to take your eyes off him for even a minute.

Huh, now that Tobio thought about it, wasn't that the truth about the brown haired setter in general? He commanded the attention of the entire room no matter where he went. Iwaizumi was strong and reliable, and had everyone looking up to him.

What qualities did Tobio posses? 

_No wonder they rejected you. You have nothing to offer either of them. Volleyball was the one thing in which anyone could say something positive about you, and you just and mess that up too right? They won't miss you in their bond. Literally anyone else as their third would've been better._ Kageyama was spiraling and he knew it. But for some reason, he could never find anything to correct that voice in the back of his head with. Everyone had left him. His parents, his friends, his soulmates. At that point, it had to be his fault. How can so many people all be wrong about him? No, the answer was simple and that voice knew it. Tobio just wasn't worth anyone's time or love.

He could feel the tears well up in his eyes. No matter how many times he told himself this, it still hurt like hell every time. It didn't matter though, the pain was welcomed. He deserved it for being so _worthless_.

Furiously, he wiped at his eyes as his tears threatened to fall. He didn't need someone walking him on him crying. They'd show concern and ask him he was alright. He didn't deserve their kindness and sympathy. He wouldn't be so bothersome as too push his problems onto another person. He deserved the pain, not any form of care or concern from good people.

People who had _worth_.

People who were so unlike _him_.

He tossed up another ball quickly in an effort to calm himself down and focus. That pain in his chest had begun to return as he'd stopped practicing, growing sharper as his throat tightened and he suffocated whilst his mind spiraled.

Kageyama initially thought that the pain he was experiencing in his chest was related to his soulmates, as that was the exact spot where the pain was concentrated. However, he quickly dismissed that idea. It just made no sense. After all, his wall was up and he could still feel the dull pain of it in the back of his mind. He'd never heard of soul marks hurting while the block was up. It had to be something else.

Tobio knew this toss was a good one as soon as it left his palm. _The perfect height._ He began his approach and leapt up, feeling a sudden shock of pride - leaving as quickly as it came - bolt through his chest. He was just about to swing his arm into what he was sure would be a perfect hit, when he heard a high pitched yelp as a voice practically screamed.

" WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?????"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh! Also to explain why I'm so late. The truth is, my chapter was ready to post about a week ago... but then I ended up accidently deleting it. And I fucking screamed. And nearly broke my laptop. And then became thankful it wasn't broken when I realized I had a major assignment due in a short while and all my material was saved on that one computer. But luckily I remembered the general idea of what I'd written so I was able to get it all down fairly quickly once I stopped sulking. Sorry about that! XD


	7. IMPORTANT NOTE!!!!!!

Hello Readers!

I have a request if ya'll would oblige me: I will be holding a poll in which you guys will have to vote between two characters. The character that is chosen will be a potential love interest in this fic. As for the identities of these characters, I AM LEAVING IT UP TO YOU GUYS!!!!!

Our first candidate has already been chosen: Miya Atsumu. Thank you for the suggestion @immabigweeblol, it got me thinking of some fun new twists! ;) 

As for the second character, your choices cannot include any of the Karasuno members as it would deviate from the storyline I have planned out. Please let me know your choice before the end of December 20!

  
Thank you guys so much for staying with the story up till now! I know my update schedule is really wacky, but I will hold true to the timeline I gave last chapter!

See ya'll soon!

\- Vi 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See ya'll soon!


	8. Future of Fireballs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YA'LL SO MUCH FOR RESPONDING IN THE COMMENTS! It's safe to say that the way the plotline is going to develop is going to be pretty interesting with the characters you guys chose. However, I have decided to make a little twist to the rules I set last time. Instead of having two love interests and letting you guys narrow down which interest ya'll wanted our precious Kageyama to end up with, I'm going to be sending out another poll much later than expected. Why? Because the characters chosen all fit in perfectly with an idea I had originally dismissed when I first started this fic. Well, it's back and I think it's definitely going to.... excite you guys XD
> 
> Don't worry, the real fun is going to start happening very soon... ;)

Kageyama froze, temporarily paralyzed as he heard that scream resonate in the gym. Against his will, his traitorous mind flashed multiple unwanted memories, memories of people yelling at him. He couldn't help wanting to laugh sardonically as the ironic realization washed over him: the majority of those scenes included _him._ Kageyama shook his head bitterly, only snapping back into reality when the ball he previously tossed up ended up glancing right off of his head.

"...ow"

He focused his vision at the source of the scream, a boy standing at the entrance of the gym, pointing his finger incredulously at him. He hated that. He had gotten that same look from others so many times before. He remembers looking up in the stands at the last tournament of his middle school career, staring at a sea of people who all seemed to be looking at him with that same look, pointing at him and whispering. And they definitely weren't saying anything good about him.

Tobio automatically swallowed the feeling of fear and pain, shoving it back down his throat to the point where he at least didn't feel like he was going to throw up. Only then did he allow himself to focus on the fire-headed shorty in front him. 

_Fuck, my chest hurts even more now._

" We met last year. I I forgot your name though."

"M-My name is Hinata Shouyou, okay! But I'm sure you don't even remember who I am. I mean you destroyed us -."

"I remember exactly who you are."

_That's right._ Realization dawned on Kageyama as his mind replayed the events of one of the preliminary matches in the tournament last year. Kitagawa had been paired against this middle school he had never even heard of before. After a little bit of digging, he had found out that they hadn't even had a volleyball team up until a month before the tournament! It was supposed to be an easy win - no problem for a powerhouse school and their talented starting players - and it was. They had won the match 2-0, the score of the final set being 25-8 in their favor. They were probably the worst team in the entire prefecture!

But _that_ kid. No, he was something special. Out of all the insignificant bugs he had squashed, he remembered an extremely short, horrible player. Why? As the memory continued playing through his mind, he remembered how surprising the kid had been. _He's got amazing reflexes, he can jump high, and he's fast. But he doesn't use those abilities to their fullest._ After a moment he added. _And the fire in his eyes. I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like it_ _before._

_***_

_Preliminary match flashback, Kitagawa Daiichi V.S. Yukigaoka_

With narrowed eyes and adrenaline coursing through his veins, a younger Tobio looked at the short boy who ran after that ball like his life depended on it. He thought back to what his teammates would tell him every time he angrily demanded an explanation for why they never tried to get the ball.

"What's the point?"

"It's not like I'll make it there before the ball drops."

"It's impossible to get!"

And as his ears honed in on the conversation happening on the other side of the court, he heard the boy's teammates asking the same exact question.

"We're never going to beat these guys. Why are you trying so hard?"

Kageyama was ready to turn around, his anger beginning to boil even further as he was so sick and tired of hearing the same thing said in different variations. However, what he heard next made him startle in his steps, keeping his widened eyes trained on the scene in front of him.

The flame-headed kid turned around and looked at his teammates with a questioning glance, raising an arm to scratch the back of his head as if he were in thought.

"Uh-I'm sorry, I don't really understand what you're asking me. But it's... not over." 

_The ball hasn't hit the floor yet!_

_Finally. Finally someone understood._ Kageyama had finally found someone who understood the sentiment he wished to convey, that he _tried_ to convey to his teammates on so many occasions. _He's right. It's simple. No matter how tricky the ball is, there's still a reason to go after it. No matter how bad the odds are, there's always a reason to keep playing._

_Because... we haven't lost yet!_

For the rest of the match, Tobio acted no differently from his usual behavior, yelling at his spikers, demanding more from them, and keeping a scowl on his face the entire time. But unless someone was looking specifically for it, no one realized how sharply he began to watch the captain of the opposing team.

He couldn't bare to take his eyes off of him, and something him in already knew.

_This kid was something special._

Later, as he and his team were leaving from the gymnasium after an entire day of successful matches, Tobio slowed down from the rest of the pack to check whether or not he'd put everything in his bag. The rest of the team didn't bother waiting for him, he doubted they even noticed his presence off of the court. They'd never bothered to invite him to hang out anywhere after practices and Kageyama never bothered to ask himself, so he oftentimes was an outsider on his own team. It didn't bother him though, he preferred being alone. Whenever he was around people, he always seemed to say the wrong thing and offend them. They can't hate him if he doesn't offend them.

"Hold it!"

He turned around sharply, only to see the orange-haired kid standing on the steps he passed. He was crying, choking out sobs as he spoke.

"You might be the King who rules the court for now... but I'm going to win! One day, I'm gonna stay on the court for longer than you."

"Only those who win get to stay on the court. Only the strongest. So if you want to keep playing, you have to become stronger."

For once, Kageyama didn't feel the heaviness on his chest that he felt after a match. Speaking to the carrot top, it was the first time his words had come to him so clearly, the first time someone understood what he was saying without misunderstanding him for saying something wrong. Kageyama had agreed to the challenge, and for once, someone had met him head on with a determined ferocity to match him.

_No. I can't get ahead of myself. It's easy to say he'll win, but getting the drive and skill to do so isn't so easy. At the end of the day, I bet he's all bark and no bite._

_***_

"...do you wanna fight or something??"

Kageyama only zoned in to the last part of what the shrimp was saying to him, but his mouth seemed to move of its own accord as he instinctively answered back.

"Oh don't be a dumbass!"

The shorty definitely froze for a moment with that statement, and Tobio dimly wondered whether he'd already managed to screw up his chances on the team already. But this Hinata kid seemed to recover quickly, going on to re-issue the challenge he gave Tobio. He found himself momentarily stunned, but before he could dwell on that too much, the little idiot started demanding why he had to come here. Irritated, Kageyama gave him an answer.

"I applied to the school with the best team but... didn't make it."

The shorty looked stunned.

"What? They rejected the **King of the Court**?" 

_King of the Court. King of the Court. King of the Court._ That stupid phrase echoed around in Kageyama's head, and he gritted his teeth in an effort to not show how much that phrase hurt. The ache in his chest amplified, and it was a miracle that he managed to channel that pain and sorrow into anger.

"Don't call me that **. EVER.**"

In the distance, Tobio heard voices that caused his attention to shift away from the ginger before he could start yelling at him. The people coming towards them were talking about _him_ , and Kageyama felt a drop of sweat slide down his back.

Three upperclassmen walked into the building: one of them bald, another one silver-haired, and the one in the middle was brown-haired. The bald boy made faces at him and the shrimp; Tobio could only guess he was trying to intimidate them. Ha, too bad for him. It would take a lot more than a couple of faces to make Kageyama scared. …he'd dealt with worse.

WELL, WELL, WELL! NOW WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE???!!!"

Tobio really wanted to laugh at this point, half out of hysteria, and half because the bald one actually thought he looked intimidating instead of ridiculous. The brown haired boy yanked him back quickly enough though, immediately asking for his name. 

"You're Kageyama Tobio aren't you? Nice to meet you!"

"You're pretty darn tall aren't ya?"

_Ok, small easy questions. I can manage this. K_ ageyama looked towards the two boys that had begun to question him.

The silver-haired boy had a kind look in his eyes, as well as a friendly smile that made Tobio feel naturally more relaxed in his presence. The brown-haired boy seemed kind as well, although he exuded a much more firm and reliable aura, and Tobio would bet anything that he was the captain of the team, if not the vice-captain. All three males had walked up to him, and he did his best not to let his nerves show and keep the scowl off of his face. No matter how kind they seemed - with the exception of the bald boy, who he believed was trying to give him the stinky-eye perhaps? -, Tobio still felt extremely uneasy. Kitagawa had left a very deep wound in him, and he prayed to whatever deity was up there to help him.

"First impressions are everything Suga. You're a third year, so you have to establish dominance!"

"Stop it Tanaka, you look stupid."

_Ok so the silver-haired boy is Suga, and the bald boy is Tanaka._

They talked for a little while, the elder boys asking him questions and he felt himself relax a little bit more. That was, until he noticed the ginger lurking near them with an odd expression on his face. He jumped a little, suddenly, straightening himself out before releasing a short greeting to the members of the volleyball club.... only to be ignored! Tobio nearly laughed again at the affronted look on his face, only to jump a little when the boy screamed out the greeting again. All eyes quickly turned to the ginger.

Kageyama droned out whatever the shrimp was saying. He couldn't be bothered to actually pay attention to the god-awful monologue the smaller boy had dived into, stuttering and running right over his words as he tried to produce coherent sentences. Tobio simply opted to look down at him with an unimpressed stare as Hinata tried to... actually what was Hinata trying to do? On the outside, Kageyama barely managed to keep a straight face, but on the inside, he was rolling his eyes and doing his best not to cover the other's mouth with his hand. That was unfortunately not an option though, as he didn't want to already piss off his potential teammate and make a bad impression on the others before he even properly joined the club. 

Much to his dismay, Kageyama found his thoughts drifting off towards wondering about what was going on at Aoba Johsai currently. It was the first day there as well, and volleyball tryouts would be beginning as school would've officially ended about 10 minutes ago. He wondered how Kunimi and Kindaichi were doing, wondering whether or not they had made it on the team or not. He didn't doubt it really. Kindaichi was a good middle blocker, his quick attacks powerful, and he was full of potential. Kunimi, albeit a bit on the apathetic side - okay, _a lot_ on the apathetic side -, was smart and not incapable of executing extremely well-timed plays. 

And then, of course, was the matter of his two former upperclassmen. They would be third-years now. Tobio reminisced over the few times he had seen spikes from the boy who was the team's ace back when Tobio was in his first year of middle school. From what he could recall, the spiker had excellent form - which had most probably gotten better -, and more power than most others his age - something the blue-eyed setter would bet to still be true today. And his fellow sett-

Nope.

No.

That stupid pain in his chest flared just as his thoughts began to converge towards another setter, a _certain_ setter. Tobio barely restrained himself from groaning outload in pain. He couldn't even _think_ about him now? How messed up could this continue getting? _It's like a sign sent from the universe_ Tobio thought idly. _Even the universe doesn't want me to think about him. I'm not worthy of even thinking about him!_ Tobio didn't know what to feel after that. Instead, he tried his best to focus on the conversation. Tobio had never encountered a more talkative person than this Hinata kid before, save except maybe Oi-.

_Shit, nope. Chest pain._ Damn it all, this was going to be a problem if this pain flared in the middle of a practice match. A flare of anger suddenly swept over him. This was all their goddamn fault! _Stupid chest pains, stupid bastards, fuck them all!_ Enraged, Tobio forced his attention to stay on the conversation going on near him, his anger only swelling at the comments being made by the ginger, who swore he was going to become the ace. And what was worse, the others were agreeing with him! The kid barely knew how to play! Letting him believe he could become the ace? No, that was ridiculous! If the upperclassmen weren't going to make the shorty face reality, then he would do it himself.

"Ok, now that you've declared that you're going to become the ace, you'd better be prepared to back it up. If you're not careful, you'll waste another three years."

" **...Excuse me?!** "

****

_Shit!_

That was the only thing running through Kageyama's mind as the captain threw him and Hinata out of the gym, and locked them out. He really shouldn't have challenged the ginger. He'd realized his mistake too late, and no amount of begging or pleading was letting them back inside. _How could I screw this up again? And now, if I can't work with that idiot, I won't get to be a setter! No, I have to do something. But the only way is to work with him. Shit!_

Now at home, Kageyama lay staring at the ceiling in his room and stressing about what he would do for the week ahead of him. He needed to make sure the ginger could receive properly if the wanted to have even a chance of winning against the other first years. He decided his only hope would be to set for the creepy second year and pray that Hinata wouldn't get in their way too much. 

Something was bugging him though, and it took him a moment to realize that he could hear his phone faintly ringing from his school bag. He slipped out of his bed and softly padded towards the sound, wondering who could be calling him so late at night. He flipped open his phone, and saw that it was an unknown number calling. The order of the digits seemed familiar though, and he racked his brains for an answer. It hit him like a train, and he nearly fell over from the surprise. He picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"..."

"Hello?"

"..."

"Hel-"

"Hello son."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you guys enjoyed! The two chapters I'd originally been planning to post got condensed into this giant one. And yes, I know, I know, this chapter wasn't too interesting as the majority covered what happened in the episodes of the actual show, but I promise that the next chapter is definitely going to be a lot more interesting. These past two filler chapters are necessary to really set the stage for character development later on in this fic. But thank you for sticking around so far and I'll see ya'll soon!


	9. The Intertwining of Idiots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I think I've finally been able to get my schedule in order so that I should be able to post about once a week. No promises though, as my finals are coming up. :(  
> Ack this week has been crazy with The Capitol Building being stormed! Yikes, never saw that coming!  
> Anyways, enjoy the chapter and stay safe!

The phone slipped out of Tobio's hand, crashing to the floor before he could even comprehend what happened. He had a guess of who it might've been before he answered, but having his suspicions confirmed was a whole other ball game. His thoughts were racing a mile a minute, nothing staying in his head long enough for him to fully process and understand.

He staggered around, a sudden bout of dizziness overcoming Tobio as the exhaustion of the day finally caught up. It was like his body had been hit by a tidal wave. Kageyama's world flipped upside down, and he managed to temporarily grasp on the barely understandable thought that he'd collapsed on the floor.

_Oh, I should probably get to my bed._

And with that ironic thought, Tobio slipped out of consciousness, missing the ping as his phone alerted the arrival of a new message.

***

Kageyama groaned as he clutched his throbbing head, struggling slightly to pull himself up into a sitting position. His mouth felt like sandpaper, and he found himself wondering if this was what it was like to wake up with hangover. A tiny huff escaped from his in laughter before he launched into a coughing fit, getting up and sprinting to the bathroom. Tobio turned on the tap, shoving his face under the tap to finally get some of that precious water down his throat.

After his throat no longer felt like it was on fire, he shuffled his way back to the bed, faceplanting as his brain worked quickly to try and piece together just what at happened the night before. _Came home, did routine stuff, planning for the next week before the 1st years match, phone call from O- Fuck!_ Kageyama fell off his bed in panic, searching quickly for his phone as bile rose up his throat. _No, no, no, why did they call? Shit, I can't believe I didn't answer probably. I'm such a fucking dumbass! I'm in so much trouble, she's going to be so mad....!_

His eyes finally landed on his phone, and he dove for it desperately. There was a new notification from an unknown number. 

**Unknown Number**

Answer me when I call you

I heard a thud before I hung up

You'd better be alive

I paid for utilities for the next two months and I don't want my money going to waste

Although I suppose I won't have to waste any more money on you for food and other luxuries you don't deserve

The next time I call you had better pick up the phone properly 

Don't call me

As Tobio read the messages, he felt something wet land on his shirt. He looked down to see a small wet splotch on his shirt, more of them joining the first on his shirt. For a second, he dumbly wondered whether or not it was raining in his room, before he felt something wet trail down his cheeks, and drip off of his chin. Reaching a hand up to his face, his eyes widened in surprise as he realized he was crying. He felt angry, mentally berating himself for having such a childish reaction to a couple of sentences. _Facts_ he corrected himself. _Okaasan was right. I don't deserve such things after making her feel like she wasted her money. I must do better and not bother her anymore. I'll have to remember to apologies the next time she calls._

Kageyama stayed on the floor for a little while longer, steadying his breathing and calming himself before he got up to get ready and make breakfast. However, as he dressed, he caught a look at the time from the corner of his eye, nearly falling over as he realized it was 4:45 AM already. He had agreed to meet with Hinata at 5! He couldn't be late; Tobio could imagine the shrimp looking at him smugly at arriving late when he himself had been yelling at the ginger to make sure he wasn't late. _It's a 20 minute walk, I'm pretty sure I can cut it down to 10-12 minutes if I run. Guess I'll have to miss breakfast then._

Tobio sprinted out of the house, his entire body protesting at the early time. Passing out on the floor didn't seem to help his poor joints either, for that matter. However, that wasn't why he was in so much discomfort.

His chest pains had been getting progressively worse as the days passed by, the flares of pain getting longer and sharper, and it became an even more tedious task to get them to temporarily subside. Kageyama was getting worried; He couldn't play properly if these stupid pains happened on the court, and with the dumbass shrimp on his team for the match next week, he knew he'd have to carry them to victory (with maybe a little help from Creepy Second Year). There was no way in hell that he could lose - he _needed_ to be the setter. It would feel as though he admitted defeat if he was forced to play a different position.

Skidding to a halt outside the gym, Tobio nearly raised his arm in a show of victory, watching Hinata turn the corner a couple of seconds after he stopped. _Ha, I did it! I beat him here. I was the one on time!_ A small, meaningless victory perhaps, but to Kageyama, a victory was a victory. It was as simple as that. And normally he wouldn't be able to resist taunting the ginger, but at this point, he was too tired and too excited to finally be able to play volleyball in the gym. He gave a tug on the doors... only to have his heart sink as he realized that they were locked! Of course they were locked! How did he not realize that!

He stared at the doors for a few seconds, wishing that some supernatural being would magically unlock the doors for them and let them inside. And as he spotted a certain bald upperclassmen, he dumbly wondered whether or not there was some deity listening to him up there. About time, he could use some luck. _Now if only this supreme being could make my stupid chest pains go away, I'd be all set._

Kageyama snapped out of his reverie as Creepy Second Year (although he should probably start calling him Tanaka-san; It wouldn't be good if he calls him Creepy Second Year out loud in the middle of practice)… correction, _Tanaka-san_ told them they had to clear out by 7. Of course, the little dumbass immediately started acting like a... well dumbass, trying to push Kageyama out of the way so he could enter first. Then, after a brief shoving match, Hinata started _saying_ something.... dumbass-like as he stood on the court, giving Tobio the sudden urge to squeeze his shrimp head into the size of nugget. He snorted, thinking to himself.

_It would definitely suit his size more if I did that. The dumbass clearly has nothing but air in there anyways, judging from the way he challenged me yesterday at least._

Tanaka-san seemed to be starting to get a little fed up with their behavior, as he began a short lecture on how they'd better get themselves together and focus if they wanted to be out of here on time in order to avoid th- _Oh look, a third year caught us already._

***

The remainder of the week seemed to pass by in a flash, the vast majority of Kageyama's time being taken up in helping Hinata with his receives and just in general getting ready for the match with the other first years. And as much as he hated to admit it, the shorty had definitely improved, working hard even during their lunch break to improve on his shitty receiving. _What he doesn't have with skill, he makes up for using raw, athletic talent. His weapon isn't physical prowess, and it's definitely not size. It's something else. It's that every time the going gets tough, he has just enough left in him to take it one step further._

And with that realization, something in his chest lightened, relieving some of the heaviness that had been present in his chest all week. It was a similar feeling to the one he had gotten that fateful day last year, when Hinata had first issued his challenge. And it had just felt so... _right_ to give him the set he'd been asking for. Something in Kageyama had just clicked it into place, and for the first time in quite a while, he felt like he could breathe properly. They were ready for the match tomorrow, and there was no doubt in Tobio's mind that they would win.

He looked down to where Hinata was on the floor, completely out of breath.

"Hey. Tomorrow, we'll win."

He continued looking at Hinata - who was staring at him -, and he awkwardly waiting for him to say something. Quickly, Kageyama walked away. _Was that a weird thing to say. I didn't think it sounded too weird._

5 minutes later, he was helping the other two upperclassmen clean up that idiot shrimp's vomit off the floor, mentally yelling at the ginger for putting him in this position.

_Dumbass._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, also a belated Happy New Year!


	10. Snafus and Shitshows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry I'm a little late with this chapter! Finals week is here and I'm going a little insane! Quick heads-up, this chapter does mention vomiting but nothing too graphic or in detail.  
> Enjoy!

Kageyama was on cloud nine.

Gosh, he hadn't felt this way in... forever. They had won the match against that snarky beanpole and his sidekick, but the thing he had the most trouble processing was the fact that Hinata had hit _his_ toss. They had manage to pull off a quick, and Hinata had done it with his eyes _closed._ Someone trusted _him._ Even now, hours after the match, Kageyama has trouble holding back his tears just thinking about it. Someone had trusted _him._

_The worthless slut. The one no one cared about. **The worthless King of the Court.**_

… Someone had trusted _him_.

That was a feeling Tobio had never felt before. He'd always believed that the setter was the most important person on the team, and look where that had gotten him. Blindly expecting them to follow him because he was skilled and driven hadn't worked out, and trust had just never seemed like an option. But now... Hinata had stood with him. Despite how much he yelled at Hinata the past week, berated him for every little thing he did wrong no matter how insignificant, he hadn't given up on Tobio. He still put all 100% of his faith in _Tobio._

Someone had come along and stood by him, seen past the bad communication. And with a heart-wrenching flash of realization Tobio, for once in his life, didn't feel so lonely anymore. Don't get him wrong, he still hated that shrimp's guts, and he was sure that Hinata didn't exactly love him either. But it had definitely gotten easier to breathe when the Dumbass was around. And Kageyama allowed just that tiny ember of hope to stay burning in his lungs, the smoke reviving him instead of suffocating him. It made the pain from the glass shards of his heart much easier to bear from where they were embedded in his lungs.

Finally, there was someone just like him there, standing next to him on the court. Hinata understood the passion, the madness of wanting to be the best because he too was just like that. And Kageyama respected that. He respected the fact that someone wouldn't abandon him as soon as they found out he was bad at communication, that he was a prodigy - something he couldn't control. And Hinata was the first one after Kageyama Kazuyo's death to even look at Tobio with pride in his eyes, _rejoicing_ over the fact that he was a prodigy, instead of hating it. And he allowed himself to hope a little, wondering if there was a possibility the two of them could even call themselves _friends_ one day.

As for Sugawara, he just seemed too good to be true. Kageyama was a first year to whom a third year senpai had lost his place as official setter to. Tobio definitely had been in that situation, and just like _that_ time, the elder setter had the trust, respect, and loyalty of the others, simply exuding a likeable aura whereas Tobio already had the chains of his reputation wrapped around him in a vice-like grip, dragging him away from the rest of the team. He was even worse off than his first year at middle school; it would've been no problem for Sugawara to get the others to turn on him. The beanpole definitely already hated him.

He could feel the eyes of others locked on to him as the blonde had mockingly narrated the events of his final match of the previous year, unwittingly forcing Kageyama to lower his gaze and let his bangs cover his face to prevent the others from seeing how pale he'd gone. But Hinata had stepped up for him, and Sugawara has even helped him out later while he was trying to figure out how to sync with Hinata. And when he'd gone to talk to Sugawara and make sure that he knew Tobio was going to work his hardest so that he deserved the spot of starting setter on his team, the silver-haired boy had just smiled! He didn't even look angry! Instead, he was more concerned with asking Kageyama if _he'd_ be okay because they were going to pl-!

_Oh shit!_

_The entire reason I was chosen to play starting setter was because that was a condition of the practice match! The match against Aoba Johsai! The school my s- two former upperclassmen had gone to! And even worse... Kunimi and Kindaichi... the entire incident … how can I face them after that? Nononononononononono!_

The blue-eyed boy let out a short scream of panic as he yanked his hair. How could he have forgotten??? Damn it all to hell! And the requirement was _him_ playing as the official setter... Oh, Tobio just knew that a certain brown-haired _bastard_ was behind this. Flashes of that stupid smile and peace sign he would flash back in Kitagawa Daiichi wafted through Tobio's mind, and he could just feel the rage swelling up inside him. 

This had been happening more and more often lately. Usually, his chest would just hurt whenever he thought about his ex-soulmates, followed by unshakable sadness. But now, the pain would just be followed by increasing anger, nearly enough to take his mind off the pain altogether. Don't get him wrong, he still felt sad, but a lot of the sadness had been converted into something more boiling, something that threatened to knock him over like a tidal wave if he didn't anchor his thoughts quick enough.

And right now, Kageyama was in no mental state to calm himself down. The burn in his chest continued to flare to even higher temperatures, but he just couldn't shift his attention away from _them._ This was not good. First the phone call from his parents, and now this stupid practice match. What happy thoughts - _calm_ thoughts - were he supposed to use to pull himself out of this state.

The match against the other first years? The new quick he had with Hinata? At that point, Tobio couldn't remember any of those things. He had begun to spiral badly, no end to his suffering in sight. The only thing conscious thought he could grab onto that wasn't self-deprecating, was that he needed to do something and he needed to do it fast. 

A sudden bout of dizziness and the urge to vomit overcame him, warning bells going off in his head as that usually happened right before he passed out. _Oh god, I can't pass out now. I need to do something._ Panicking, Kageyama made the only choice he thought he could use to help make the panic recede a bit: he decided to listen to his body and vomit.

He stumbled his way into the bathroom, barely making it inside before his legs gave out and he collapsed onto the cold tile floor. Sluggishly, he managed to push himself to make it in front of the toilet bowl, extending his neck a bit too make sure that nothing would spill on the floor and have to be cleaned up later. He waited a bit, but nothing was happening and he began to panic with how bad his dizziness and urge to vomit was getting.

_Dammit it feels like it's stuck right in my throat. Everything hurts!_ With panic completely taking over and hazing his mind, Tobio showed two fingers down his throat in a last ditch attempt, hoping that he'd trigger his gag reflex and force himself to vomit. It was an uncomfortable ordeal, and it took a while, but he'd finally managed to achieve what he hope for.

Kageyama felt the bile in his throat rise up and out of him, like a cork unleashing a bottle of erupting discomfort, pain, and panic. His throat was stinging, but in an odd way, he appreciated it. It cleared away his dizziness and nausea, the relief from it being over anchoring him and making his panic subside. He slumped on the wall opposite his toilet, feeling a bit weak. But for once, weak was good. He didn't have the energy to think or panic or do... anything really and it was peaceful for a short while.

That was, until he began to notice the putrid smell of his waste and quickly flushed before he could vomit all over again. Tobio stood up and rinsed his mouth out, enjoying the last few moments of serenity he had before his traitorous mind decided to plague him with anxiety again. All happiness from the day had vanished, long buried underneath negativity. 

***

Tobio stared out the window as the bus sped down the relatively empty roads of Miyagi, heading towards a certain school on the other side of town. He'd spent the rest of his weekend, Monday, and all of school today busy quelling the anxiety attacks that threatened to overtake him. He hadn't fared very well just doing breathing exercises and focusing on a single point, so he turned to the method that had helped him last time.

Kageyama had begun to force himself to vomit. Whether it was during the short breaks he had in between classes, or just as he'd finish eating, Tobio had gone to the one solution that freed him. The knowledge that he was destroying his body was easy to bear when faced with the opportunity of being blessed with those few moments of peace caused by weakness once he finished his business. They were addicting.

And that was exactly what Kageyama was hoping for. A bathroom nearby to which he could run to, anything to stop that impending feeling of doom and dread foreshadowing the much unwanted practice match he was going to have to participate in. But because he knew it would be a while till they even reached the school, he had focused on trying to use those idiotic exercises he was supposed to use in the first place to calm himself down.

… You know, the useless ones which never worked.

And after quite a while, he'd managed to convince himself he could survive till they reached their destination, thankfully able to keep his cool and collected mask from shattering and exposing the chaotic wreck he was inside.

… At least, until a certain Dumbass decided to vomit all over Baldy- _no,_ Tanaka-san's lap, filling Tobio with the urge to vomit. Which in turn caused him to have a mini panic attack because goddammit he'd just convinced himself he'd be fine. And now the longing desire for peace came back full force, causing him to nearly pass out right there and then. 

He'd thought about passing out as a legitimate option, only discarding it once he realized that the salty beanpole would never let him live it down. So he came to a decision that was possible to carry through on and would distract him for the remainder of the ride: He began planning all the ways he could kill that Dumbass Hinata and get away with it.

For now, he was up to 28 ways. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH NEXT CHAPTER IS THE SEIJOH PRACTICE MATCH!!! The exercises I mentioned are actually ones my doctor told me to use if I began to panic during an asthma attack, and they really don't help too much. It might really help for some people, but for me they never really work that well.


	11. Resurrecting Remorse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Ack, this week has been crazy 'cuz I just finished finals and I'm so happy cuz I passed them all with straight A's!!!!! Ugh, the projects were what killed me though... I do not work well with others. Okay, in my defense, they refused to do their work and I was already doing most of the project, so of course I lost my shit!  
> Ack whatever, not dealing with those morons anymore so imma stop ranting and let you guys read! Oh, and sorry if it seemed like I had posted the chapter earlier! It was an accident! I accidently clicked the wrong button as I was writing! Anyways, enjoy the completed chapter now!!!

It took everything in Kageyama to not scramble off of the bus when they finally reached Aoba Johsai. From his seat, he could smell the faint scent of vomit lingering in the air even after Tanaka had changed out of his pants into shorts. Everything in him was screaming to find the nearest bathroom and vomit himself, so he was quite proud of himself when he managed to get off the bus in a normal, un-panicky way

… And then that idiot Hinata decided to announce that he was feeling sick again. So could you really blame Tobio for the overwhelming annoyance he felt at that moment?

_Bastard already got to vomit and now he needs to go again??!!! How weak of a stomach does that Dumbass have??? Shit, he's getting so nervous for a practice match, what if this were a real game..._ Yup, he really needed to shut his brain off before he himself lost his composure and vomited all over the place like Dumbass Hinata Dear gods, the beanpole would never let him live that down, and he'd probably say something about how he didn't know Kageyama's brain was on in the first place.

(Okay sue him, Tobio still wasn't over the whole practice game. Stupid Saltyshima!)

Ew, he sounded like Hinata now...

"He's getting sick again? That is so pathetic! I'm gonna teach him a lesson!" Smacking Dumbass would be beneficial for him too. It was always relaxing to whack that dumbass over the head, and he needed to do something to make Hinata calm down! Unfortunately, Sugawara didn't seem to share the same ideas with Kageyama so he was refrained, much to his chagrin. Sulking, he followed a couple of his teammates as they began to carry their gear and head in to the gym, with Tanaka mainly complaining about how everything was probably all fancy because it was a private school (Tobio actually agreed with him there).

He had another reason for remaining behind the rest of the pack: He wanted to avoid running into any of his old... _teammates._ But he decided that life really did hate him, as the next thing he knew, Tanaka had heard Kindaichi and some Oikawa-wannabe looking kid say something not so favorable about Karasuno and had decided it was his duty to step him. And _of course_ Kindaichi had spotted him despite his attempts to stay hidden behind the others. Tobio already knew what he was going to say before Kindaichi even opened his mouth.

_"_ So how ya been... _your majesty? I bet you've already whipped your new loyal subjects into shape?"_

For a second, Kageyama felt like he couldn't breathe, despite already having braced himself beforehand. It still hurt all the same. But he lifted his head up and responded, his internal agony impossible to decipher as he donned on the mask of the arrogant, hot-headed King of the Court that Kindaichi expected from him. The _only_ face of Tobio that Kindaichi and the others would ever _see._ And that really ate at him, despite what others may have thought. But what good would come from him showing emotions? No one would understand him even if he did. After all, he was just a tyrannical dictator right?

So he lifted his head and settled for as short of a response he could give, his voice belying his undercurrent of emotions. "Yeah."

The stunned look on Kindaichi's face almost made him crack a small grin, even if out of nothing but sadness. He probably expected Kageyama to get all riled up at the nickname like he always would beforehand. _Does he really think I'm incapable of changing? Does he hate me so much and think so little of me that he looks so surprised when I decide to keep my temper under control? Was I really so despicable? Am I still so despicable?_

Even when Hinata finally got out of the bathroom, he couldn't bring himself to scoff at the shrimp for his weak stomach, too lost in his fears to focus on anything else. The wall blocking his bond felt that much more heavier with the presence of Iwai- SHIT!!!

He couldn't help himself as he keeled over in pain, his chest pain increasing tenfold more than it had ever been with the presence of one of _them_ nearby. He could dimly hear the sounds of Sugawara as his vision blurred with unshed tears, refusing to raise his head out of the embarrassment that would follow when one of them asked why he looked like he was about to cry.

And _he_ was right there, Tobio could feel _his_ stare drilling holes into his head and he didn't want to deal with that. Not right now. _Never_ if he could help it.

Instead, he quickly gathered his bearings and took a few breaths to calm himself down, shaking his head when he saw Suga's questioning look. To Kageyama's immense relief, he wasn't pushed for any further explanation, and he nearly let out a shout of relief when the ref called for the match to begin. Volleyball was simple. Tobio could handle volleyball.

***

Tobio was going to fucking _kill_ Hinata.

He was going to chop his body into little pieces and feed it to the sharks. He was going to put a black mamba in his bed as he slept. He was about to commit murder in front of more than 30 witnesses and be labeled the dumbest murderer to ever exist. Hell, Kageyama was going to go to jail and spend the rest of his life in prison because this Dumbass was about to be gutted like a damn fish. Oh, Tobio was going to enjoy opening him up and watching him bleed.

... Okay, he silently admitted the last one was too dark even for him. But the point was, Hinata "Dumbass" Shouyou was about to fucking cease to exist. How the hell was his aim so bad and yet so good that he had managed to perfectly miss hitting the ball _over_ the net like he was supposed to, and instead nail Tobio right smack dab on the back of his head? HOW????

He himself could feel the steam blast from his ears, and as he turned around, he could tell Hinata definitely thought Kageyama was a damn steam train going at full speed and about to squash him like the insect he was. Oh his hands were positively itching at the thought of grabbing his head and just giving a nice, solid squeeze. 

As he approached Hinata with the full intent to dispose of his soul, he took in a closure inspection of the absolute state of panic the ginger-haired boy was in, looking as if his soul had already departed the Earth of its own free will. And then Kageyama remembered the shocked look on Kindaichi's face from before the match. No, he couldn't kill the shrimp, he didn't want to be the monster everyone hated, not anymore. The old Kitagawa Daiichi team already hated him, and the current Seijoh team probably didn't exactly hear stunning things about Kageyama either. He couldn't bear to think of Karasuno hating him. Of Karasuno _shunning_ and looking at him with the same disgust everyone else looked at him with.

So instead, he resorted to scaring the ginger a little bit, trying to make him realize his fear was irrational and that he had nothing to worry about. _Don't worry so much, you'll be fine. You have me and the others here to help you. Calm down, breathe, and show them what you're really capable of._ Only later would he realize those were the underlying words he tried to send through to Hinata, the words he knew the shrimp wouldn't be able to decipher just yet.

And only later would he realize why he felt so light when Tanaka gave his speech about them all being teammates and being there for each other. For once, the ache in his chest cleared faster than it normally would have, and the air felt that much more fresh when he took his next breath.

... But all good things eventually come to an end right?

***

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

Shrieks reverberated through the entire gym as Karasuno celebrated being one point away from winning the practice match. The excitement was palpable on the Karasuno side, everyone realizing that they were about to beat one of the Top Four teams in the entire prefecture! But Kageyama had been a little worried the entire match, growing steadily more nervous as he realized a certain _someone_ wasn't anywhere to be seen. The flicker of the thought that _he'd_ gone to a different school and not Seijoh had flashed in Tobio's mind for a moment before he realized the absurdity of it.

If one of his _beloved_ ex-senpai's was here, the other one couldn't be too far away. _One was never seen without the other._ Tobio bitterly let the statement sit in his head, it weighing on his head so heavily that he thought a sumo wrestler would probably weigh less. So when the shrieks started, he really wished he could've said that he wasn't expecting what was to come.

He took as unnoticeable of a deep breath he could take before turning around, for it to be in vain. He completely lost all thought - and air - as his cobalt eyes clashed with chocolate ones. His hairs stood on end, like soldiers whenever their commanding officer was around, but the tension in the air was what was so stifling. Everyone in the gym could see the sparks fly between the two setters, as clear as day, an eerie moment of silence as even the giggling fan girls were left to wonder who exactly the raven-haired boy was to their Golden Boy Oikawa Tooru.

But that moment vanished as quickly as it came, breaking when Oikawa's attention was diverted to what the Seijoh head coach was saying. The ache in Kageyama's chest came back, roaring with a vengeance, mocking him as if to berate him for how stupid he was if he'd thought that was the last he'd feel that pain. Mocking him just like how Oikawa would. Tobio had begun to turn back, not expecting the elder setter to acknowledge him again for the remainder of the match, which was why he'd nearly released the pained cry that had been building up in his throat. It was the cry of an animal being torn apart by a predator. Vicious, pleading, unforgiving _._

_Desperate._

Desperate for any kind of salvation as they took their last breath. That was exactly how Tobio felt as Oikawa's words tore into his heart for the third time, their owner twisting the knife in a would that had been opened too many times.

"Hey there. Long time, no see Tobio-chan. How long has it been since I last saw you? You've really grown. _**How's it feel to be the King?**_

After that point, it was like Kageyama's brain had switched to autopilot, taking pity on him and for once helping him to save face and keep himself together as he turned back to his teammates and began spouting some basic introduction of Oikawa's skills as a player. His mouth was moving, his soul was screaming, and his heart was dead. And after he'd stopped talking to his team, his brain slipped into a drunken state, unrememberingly going through the rest of the game. Dimly registering the cheers of his teammates as they celebrated barely just winning.

As soon as the match was over, Kageyama Tobio's cool façade finally shattered after being exposed to the four people from Kitagawa Daiichi he'd never wanted to come across again. After the match was over, Kageyama Tobio promptly doubled over and puked his lungs out on the gym floor before pitching over sideways. He felt someone catch him just before his mind finally surrendered and slid completely into darkness.

***

The next half an hour was a blur of panicked screams, ambulances, and torrents of emotion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking of writing the POVs of Iwaizumi and Oikawa during the match and just some thoughts they had before the match ... would that be something y'all would be interested in? And if I were to do that, should I do individual chapters or just spend one chapter with both their POVs and then move on with the story? I'm torn between both so I'm turning the question(s) over to you guys! Lemme know in the comments below!
> 
> And I've also turned away from the exact storyline present in the book now as things are definitely going to be different from the actual series. It will still have most of the same events, but no more word for word quotes and sequences like I've been writing so far.
> 
> I hope this chapter didn't disappoint, and if there is any question you want me to address in the next few chapters, lemme know so I can put it in the POV chapter(s) if you guys decide you want it/them!


	12. Outsiders' Opinion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More than 3 hours of studying math... nopety nope nope my brain is FRIED. (Seriously whoever the hell invented math had a grudge against humanity.)  
> Anyways, here's the Seijoh POV chapter you guys were asking for! Enjoy! <3

Aoba Johsai's POV

***

The match was over, and they had lost.

A normal reaction for the team would've been to be disappointed and begrudgingly acknowledge their opponent's skill, while Oikawa threw petty insults at them under the guise of compliments (They never really lost to anyone but Shiratorizawa, and by god did Tooru hate that stupid Ushiwaka and his fucking "fertile soil" and "You should've come to Shiratorizawa"). But this time, most everyone was stunned at the fact that they - one of the top 4 teams in the entire _prefecture_ \- had lost to Karasuno, an old powerhouse that was just mediocre nowadays. 

Oikawa's POV

Eventually, they had managed to pull themselves out of their stunned stupors, hanging their heads low and walking back to the bench where their coaches sat. They awaited feedback, but Oikawa had lagged behind, seeming relatively unaffected even though they had just lost. His eyes narrowed in on a certain rival setter, watching as he dazedly stumbled to join his celebrating teammates. _That's odd._

Tooru vividly remembered what the younger Kageyama Tobio looked like back in middle school, chubby cheeks and innocent - borderline naïve - eyes. _Those fucking eyes that just stared into your soul_ , Oikawa's lip began to curl just thinking about it. But this Kageyama Tobio looked much different, having easily gained 30 centimeters of height. Not only that, but his features had become sharper as he'd lost his baby fat, and sleek lines of muscle were evident if you looked at his arms and legs. 

It surprised Tooru, and he wondered how he'd missed how much Tobio-chan had grown when he'd gone to see the Junior High School Interhigh Tournament last year. But what really shocked him was the look in the younger boy's eyes. No matter how much he'd matured and how much of his innocent looks he'd lost, that gleam in Kageyama's eyes had always been there, borderline ravenous at times. But now, there was no glint of a hidden fire underneath the surface, no spark of stubborn determination that had always been present in the boy.

His eyes just looked... dead. Honestly, with his skin as white as a sheet of paper, and with those bruise-colored bags underneath his eyes, Tobio-chan had just begun looking more like a zombie than a human. He looked exhausted, and Oikawa felt a surge of approval and irritation with that observation. Approval, because that was exactly what that pathetic King of the Court deserved after becoming the abusive tyrant that he was. Still fucking _is_ it seems. And irritation because how the hell was Tooru supposed to feel satisfied beating that idiot into the ground when it was obvious he wasn't playing to his full strength.

He had just lost to Tobio-chan whilst the boy wasn't even playing his best!

_The insult of it all!_

Flames burnt in Tooru's eyes, and he struggled to keep his easy going façade up, wanting nothing more than to march over to the other side of the court and knock some sense into the blue-eyed setter. But he had a reputation to keep up, and judging by the way Iwa-chan was giving him those "Don't fucking try it" looks, he knew he wouldn't eve make it past the net if he walked over to Karasuno's side. 

Huffing under his breath as he willed as much of his irritation and fury away as he possibly could, Oikawa had begun to turn around to walk back to join the rest of his team when he head a couple of shrieks and yells. Right away, he whirled around, looking for what could cause such a reaction out of the other players and spectators in the gym. He was used to hearing shrieks from the ladies whenever he walked onto the court, but these were fearful, stunned cries instead of the usual excited ones.

He spun on his heel fast enough to watch as Tobio-chan practically fell on top of the shrimpy as he'd tried to catch him. Distantly, he'd heard a wordless yell from Iwa's mouth, but he was more focused on what the hell made Kageyama ungracefully vomit and fall _unconscious_ into the arms of one of his teammates. Right on the gym _floor_. In front of the _entire_ gym. 

"I wonder what's going on with Tobio-chan that's so bad he looks like _that_." mused Tooru as the putrid, sulfuric smell of vomit hit his nose, making him reel back a bit. 

"Say that again Shittykawa, couldn't hear you the first time," Iwa-chan said, materializing beside Tooru as he kept his eyes fixed on the sight in front of him, his eyes darker and glassier than normal, betraying his otherwise stoic look. _How curious_ Oikawa thought, before turning his head to watch the frenzied state as Tobio-chan had begun to convulse and have short - but painful looking - spasms.

Iwaizumi's POV

_It's all my fucking fault._

That's all that ran through Iwaizumi's head as he watched his younger soulmate fall into the arms of the little middle blocker from Karasuno. Tendrils of jealousy swirled in the panic of his mind, jealous of how protective the opposing team looked over the blue-eyed boy. They had obviously not known him for very long, but by the calm and swift way they moved, it was obvious everyone on the Karasuno team was doing their best to try and help him. Even the sour-looking blonde covered Kageyama with his jacket, stating that it was the largest one they had so it would be the most logical thing to do.

_That's supposed to be us._ It was supposed to be Seijoh that took care of him like that, watched over him if he felt unwell. It was supposed to be him and Oikawa who gently took care of him and cradled his head in their lap, not that little shrimp. But Hajime knew he had no right to feel that way, not when it was his fault for rejecting and abandoning Kageyama in the first place. And fuck if he didn't see red when he saw the passive expression on Tooru's face.

He knew Tooru hated Kageyama, but come on! How was it possible to hate someone so much over a rivalry! Iwaizumi knew just how much Kageyama's skill had led to a big part of Shittykawa's insecurities, but at the end of the day, the boy looked horrible! He looked so sick, and it was obvious enough to why he had passed out on the court. And if had realized it, it was obvious that Shittykawa had as well.

It was _them. They_ were the fucking problem. 

Iwaizumi wanted to throttle someone as the paramedics finally arrived. He should've been brought to the nurse, but their faculty advisor had demanded an ambulance be called. And good thing too. The raven-haired setter had begun to spasm and convulse a little while prior, and by the whimpers he was letting out, it was clear that he was in a lot of pain. It was so strong, that despite their partially severed bond, Iwaizumi could feel some of the discomfort coming from Kageyama.

He raked a hand through his hair, making the ever-present spikes even more unruly as he impatiently waited for the paramedics to transfer the boy into the ambulance. Hajime wanted nothing more than to follow him into the ambulance and sit by his side and watch over him in the hospital. But that would bring up too many questions he didn't want to address right now, too many lingering stares. And Tooru - _gods_ Tooru - would hate it if he even tried to go near the ambulance, and the last thing Iwaizumi needed was for Shittykawa to have another reason to hate Kageyama.

So he stood there, watching as the ambulance drove off, the Karasuno bus following close behind. _Hold on Kageyama, I promise I'm going to try my best to get Tooru to see reason. And I hope you'll forgive us when the chance for us to be together finally comes._

Kunimi and Kindaichi's POVs

After the match in their third year in middle school, both boys had hated Kageyama, resolving to ignore him whenever they saw each other in the halls or the classroom. As far as they were concerned, they had never been friends with him, and their terse relationship had only encompassed their time in volleyball club. 

But late at night, during sleepovers with just the two of them, they'd remember their first-year, and the boy Kageyama had once been. He'd always been socially stunted, but back then, he'd carried an innocence that would make anyone warm their heart towards the young boy. And as the youngest in their group, both Kunimi and Kindaichi had felt a sort of protectiveness over the boy, especially when it came to Oikawa.

To anyone that had been part of the Kitagawa Daiichi volleyball club, it was blatantly obvious that the brunette had held his kohai in contempt. And while they had respected their upperclassman a great deal, they never really liked how he would interact with their friend. Even Iwaizumi never really seemed to step in, only telling his best friend and soulmate to focus when he started to get up in Tobio's personal space. It was obvious Tobio was uncomfortable with it, but he had brushed it off whenever he was asked about it, choosing to spend his time admiring Oikawa-san's jump serve.

All of this, they had noticed during their first practice, as to their utter surprise, the setter never came back to practice after that. After finding out, at the end of the year, from Iwaizumi that Kageyama had quit the club, they had only been able to reflect on how the blue-eyed boy had grown distant after that first practice, eventually going as far to ignore them in the halls or in shared classes.

They should've known something was wrong then. When that spark in his eyes seemed to have dimmed into barely lit embers, and he no longer stared at others with the same innocence in his eyes and naivety in his words.

When he came back to practice their second year, they should've asked him why he'd left the previous year. When the final embers of a once roaring flame were completely extinguished, they should've asked him what was wrong.

When Kageyama had begun to turn harsh with his words and stay late after regular practice to work by himself, they should've asked why he no longer seemed to care about anything else but volleyball. Volleyball had always been his world, but he no longer played with a smile on his face. They should've confronted him directly and made sure that he was alright, because it seemed like he wasn't.

And when they abandoned him on the court that fateful day, they should've never turned their backs on him. Because even before they turned around, they'd managed to catch a a glimpse of Kageyama's face. He didn't look angry, or frustrated, or sad like he should've been. No instead he just looked... tired. He looked like a man who had seen death and suffering and so much loss, not like the boy of barely 15 years that he was. 

They should've asked him about anything at least once, but they never did, opting to stay silent instead. Courage comes in two forms: standing up and speaking out, and sitting down and listening. Silence is not the same thing as listening.

And as they watched the doors of the ambulance close on the boy they once called a friend, they felt like vomiting themselves. Because even now, they had opted to mock him, instead of plucking up the courage to ask him for something, _anything_. 

"It is more powerful to speak up than to silently resent."

Oikawa's POV

It's always funny how the most random revelations come to you when you aren't even trying to think about them.

_If you're going to hit it, hit it till it breaks._ To interviewers and his fans, that's what he always responded with when asked for his motto. It sounded cool and tough, and he did have an image to maintain after all. But only known to Iwa-chan and his parents, there was a saying he held in much higher regard than that one.

For his 15th birthday, his soulmate and best friend gifted him a poster. They'd lost against Shiratorizawa again that year, and Oikawa had been overworking himself to the point he'd gotten a partial tear in his ACL, putting him out of commission for a couple of weeks as he healed. The poster he had been given perfectly encompassed everything Hajime had been trying to tell him, and in better words than he had put it as eloquent speaking was more Tooru's thing while grunts and blunt, gruff responses were Iwa's. (The last time he called Hajime brutish, he'd received a spike to his head. And since both of them could feel each other's pain, they both ended up sitting out for the rest of practice, much to Iwa's dismay and Tooru's amusement.) The poster read:

"To build a strong team, you must see someone else's strength as a compliment to your weakness, not a threat to your position or authority." - Christine Caine

A saying in English translated over to Japanese, he'd used those words to help himself evolve as a setter and team player. The current Aoba Johsai team was one that he was proud of and wouldn't change for the world, as he'd grown and bonded with them to a point where they had become his secondary family. Some friendships were built to last a lifetime, and he truly believed the friendships he'd made over the past years were going to last for decades to come.

And that night, the first seeds of doubt were planted in his mind regarding his hatred towards Kageyama Tobio, as his mind had subconsciously began to relate it with their marred relationship. 

And that night, neither Iwaizumi, Oikawa, nor Kageyama had noticed their soul marks begin to glow: Shimmering golden to signify Tooru, muted silver for Hajime, and cobalt blue for Tobio. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh nothing soothes the soul more than some angst!
> 
> Hmm, maybe I was supposed to say that the other way around...
> 
> Oh, and don't dare make the mistake of thinking I'm going to let them off with a happy ending so easily... or maybe at all for that matter. ;)


	13. Passing Period

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally not me searching up "What do hospitals smell like?"
> 
> This is a pretty short chapter as I most definitely didn't have the time to make it longer. Sorry, but this weekend was just too busy!
> 
> But don't worry, this was anyways more of a filler chapter to lead up to the following events of the next chapter, so it'll get longer and better!

_The smell of antiseptics and cleaners, the steady beeping of vitals being monitored, the lingering aura of death and sickness._ It was disturbing how quickly Tobio became used to living amongst all of this.

He awoke that evening to a very confusing sight. White bed, white sheets, gown, white walls, chairs. That wasn't too unusual, he figured he'd be in a hospital after passing out at the practice match. But what made his eyebrows furrow were the people sitting in those chairs by his bedside. Orange poofs, grey wisps, dark strands. There were... _people_ sitting there, next to _him. Why?_

He'd passed out and probably stirred unnecessary panic in the people around him, and it had probably been a hassle to get him to the hospital. So why were they there, waiting for him? Kageyama tried to shift, only to let out a small groan at the sudden throb attacking his temples. And that was all it took for the various heads nearby to shoot up. His eyes locked with brown ones, and in a flash, his entire vision was obscured by orange as a barrage of questions was launched his way.

"What the hell happened? Are you okay? The doctor said you fainted from anxiety and malnutrition? Baka, have you not been eating? Do you want me to get you some food? Maybe some water? Your eyes look really unfocused, how many fingers am I-"

"Calm down Hinata."

The captain and vice-captain had walked over to his bed by then, saving Tobio's poor head from trying to keep up with the little ginger's words. _How in the hell was he able to talk so quickly right after waking up? Stupid tangerines..._

Sugawara grabbed his hand, and Tobio barely managed to suppress a flinch, not noticing himself start to shake slightly. _Here it comes. He's going to tell me that the team can't afford to have someone so weak and that I'd only drag them down during official matches. Of course, he's going to do it nicely because it's Sugawara and he's nice. Why would they need someone who causes unnecessary stress on the team. Of course they don't want to play with me. It's bad enough I'm The King, and now this too! No, there's no reason for them to want m- _

"Are you okay Kageyama?"

That startled him. He wasn't expecting someone to actually bother asking him if he felt okay; no one had shown concern before, why would they now? He looked up into Sugawara's eyes, trying to detect a trace of false consideration, but failing to find any. He looked over to Sawamura, shaken to his core when he only saw warm concern written all over his face. _Why?_ Why did they _care?_

Sugawara's POV

Daichi sat next to Suga on the ride to the hospital. The entire air was tense and worried, everyone shocked that someone as powerful and unmovable as Kageyama had collapsed like that. It wasn't really that surprising though, now that he had taken the time to think back how the blue-eyed boy had been acting for the past few days. He'd noticeably gotten paler, bags forming under his eyes as he'd begun to get tired during practice much more easily. 

When Kageyama had first joined, Sugawara was expecting someone who was bossy, rude, and arrogant, like the rumors about The King of the Court portrayed him to be. He'd expected someone who'd steal his spot as the official setter and throw him and all potential respect for his senpai aside, leaving him somewhere behind in his shadow. But the more and more Koushi had interacted with Tobio, he'd begun to suspect that the air of unshakable power and arrogance the younger setter tried to project was more of a guise than anything else. In fact, he'd seemed almost... _scared_.

Of what, Sugawara didn't quite understand. Maybe of being abandoned by the team as Suga had first concluded, but that didn't seem to be all there was to it. He's never seen someone look as burdened as Kageyama did, like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. And that terrified the silver-haired male, because Tobio looked to be slowly crumbling. Koushi would readily admit to anyone who asked that he'd grown fond of the younger in such a short span of time. He really believed that Tobio was a good kid deep down, despite the irritation and minor violence he displayed towards Hinata.

And while the rest of the team may not have been as observant as he was, even they had noticed that there was more to the story than what they knew and what they'd had heard of about the blue-eyed setter. Even Tsukishima - despite his carefully composed features showing perfect indifference - seemed tense; Suga didn't miss the way his knuckle clenched and unclenched repeatedly, and the fact that he'd immediately draped his jacket over Kageyama back at the Seijoh gym.

Glancing over to the side, he noticed Daichi's jaw tense, visible concern etched in every line of his body. No doubt he was wondering the same thing as everyone, worried about what the hell was going on with their teammate that he'd fainted in front of everyone. Kageyama wasn't an attention seeker, so something would have to be really wrong with him for him to loose his composure in front of so many spectators.

For once, Hinata was the most silent on the bus, seemingly frozen like a statue. This was so _wrong_ , the atmosphere was so _off_. Suga straightened in his seat, staring blankly ahead as he continued to get lost in his thoughts. The bus continued hot on the tail of the ambulance, a fierce sense of protectiveness overtaking the teenage passengers inside of it.

Kageyama's POV

Guilt. That was all he felt as he waited outside the hospital building as Sugawara and Sawamura checked him out. The Dumbass next to him was abnormally quiet, and it didn't take a genius to figure out why. Hinata was worried... about _him._

It was all much too confusing for Kageyama. Sawamura shouldn't have cared about him; he'd made a ruckus and didn't listen to him back during their first day of practice. He'd taken Sugawara's spot as the official setter even though Sugawara was a third year. He should've been pissed at Tobio, and the fact that he had proven himself to be so weak should've made the elder happy, not worried. And Hinata? Tobio berated the boy every chance he got. He yelled at him, called him a dumbass, and had given every reason under the sun for the boy to not like him. But he was still around, they were still around. _Why?_

_Okay maybe Hinata's just worried because he needs me to do the quick attacks, and since they are a big part of our offense, that must be why the others are worried as well._ It was the most likely reason for their kindness in Tobio's mind, and his brain went along with it. So why didn't his heart get the memo? It almost hurt to think that they stayed for his tosses and not for him, and coupled with the fact that he hadn't eaten anything since the day before, his head started to spin. He hung is head down, not wanting his orange-haired partner to see that tears had begun to gather in his eyes.

Everything hurt.

It was all too much happening too fast. His teammates stayed, his old ones still hated him, he went heading straight into the nightmares of his past. _Everything._ Everything was happening now and Tobio could feel every ounce of control he'd barely managed to retain slip through his fingers like sand. His head was spinning and he was just _so damn confused._

_Why was this happening to him? He just wanted some peace and quiet. He just wanted to be left alone. Why did no one understand?_

His head, his chest, his arms, his legs. His entire body was on fire, and it felt like it wasn't going to stop until every inch of skin was covered in red blisters. He couldn't remember how to _breathe_. So he did the only thing that made sense, the only thing he'd always done when things got tough:

He ran until he turned numb to the pain.


	14. Run Boy Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the late update, but as I said last time, this chapter is definitely longer and more interesting! Enjoy!
> 
> WARNING: At the very end, there is slightly graphic violence, so if you can't handle that shit, please skip it. It starts at "Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime weren't singular factors in any of these categories, they didn't even play a role in all of them." 
> 
> Also, Run Boy Run is a song by Woodkid that I just thought fit in nicely with this chapter.
> 
> * Sofu - One's own grandfather

He'd been running for heavens knows how long, going wherever his legs took him as his mind was completely occupied by his thoughts. Cars honked as ran onto busy roads, but even that wasn't enough to snap him out of his stupor. He'd vaguely heard his teammates' yelling behind him, but their voices eventually faded, forced out by his incessant thoughts. He felt slightly guilty leaving them behind without explanation, especially after everything they'd done for him, but that only worsened his panic. If they didn't hate him already they sure did now.

There was a freedom to be found in running. Early mornings on the weekends usually consisted of jogging through his neighborhood, watching sunlight barely peak over the tops of houses, before bathing them in a soft glow. On colder days, there was that damp grass smell lingering in the air, dew glistening on every individual blade of grass like pearls in a sea of green.

There was peace in running. Early morning when not a single soul could be found in sight. Not even the barking of dogs could be heard, as they all lay fast asleep in the comfort of their owners' homes. His entire life was full of chaos and noise, from the squeaking of volleyball shoes on the gym floor to the sound of volleyballs leaving his own fingertips as he practiced setting drills. It's not that he didn't enjoy that noise, quite the opposite in fact; there was peace to be found there as well. But lately, even those precious sounds had become associated with the disgruntled glares of teammates as they turned their backs on him. 

Jogging during dusk wouldn't have the same peacefulness as morning runs in all actuality, but it was more of what he associated with running that worked for him. So for now, that's what Kageyama would stick to.

Surprisingly, he'd manage to make it pretty far before his legs gave out and he collapsed, scraping his knees and calloused hands against pavement. He flipped over onto his back for a little while, chest heaving as he sucked in large breaths of much needed air into deprived lungs. Staring up into the fade of dark blues into reds, yellows, and oranges streaked with pinks and purples as dusk set, Tobio let his body relax until he was sure he'd successfully staved off the impending panic attack. That's when he realized he had no clue about where he actually was.

Rolling onto his side before hoisting himself into a seated position, Kageyama quickly assessed his surroundings to get a quick estimate of how far he was from his home. Imagine his surprise when he found himself staring up at a very familiar building, one which held a lot of history for him. He got up and walked over to the entrance of the building, running his fingertips over the cracks that had begun to appear under the paint.

Dark blue and white. Colors so opposite from the orange and black of Karasuno, and yet once equally as important to him as his current uniform colors. Pressing his forehead against the side of the building, Kageyama closed his eyes and let his mind wander back to the past. And as his memories wrapped their talons around his mind and dragged him into the abyss of his past, Tobio found that for once he wasn't going in unwillingly. This time would be different.

Oikawa's POV

As much as he loved him, Iwa-chan was definitely someone who fit the 'all brawn, no brain' category. Although he supposed that it was a good contrast to his extreme intellect. When he voiced this fact to said spikey-haired boy as he ran product through his own hair, he received only a grunt and a swift kick to his back in response. What a brute.

They had the afternoon off, practice was canceled due to the gym being used by some separate sports team for practice due to god knows what reason, and since they had a practice match against Karasuno yesterday anyways, the coach saw no problem in letting them have the day off. Neither of them had much homework due the next day, so usually that'd mean a movie marathon, but thanks to cancelled practice, they had much more pent up energy and chose to go for an evening walk instead.

They grabbed their coats and left Oikawa's house, his mother yelling behind them to make sure they were home in time for dinner. Tooru hollered some affirmation of her words as the door shut behind him, speeding up to catch up to Iwa-chan, who'd already began walking away.

"Mean Iwa-chan! You should wait for me," Tooru pouted towards the other as he interlaced his fingers with Hajime's. 

"Not my fault your so slow Shittykawa." Despite his grumbled words, he clasped their joint hands even tighter, and Tooru let a small, genuine grin creep onto his face as he faced forward. 

"You've really got to stop calling me names. One day I might actually start thinking you think I'm a shitty person! And we both know that's not true. I'm amazing!"

"Shut the fuck up before I go back to my house and chuck a volleyball at you, Loserkawa. The way you keep antagonizing me into throwing things at you, one day I might start thinking you like it when I do that."

"See Iwa-chan, you're such a brute! And wow, who knew you knew such being words as 'antagonizing'. Maybe you aren't 'all brawn and no brains' after all!"

"Unfortunately there's no doubt about it. You are 100% a Shittykawa."

Their quiet banter filled the air as they walked down the streets of Miyagi, attracting the attention of others who smiled at their antics. It was Iwaizumi who noticed their location first.

"Hey Shittykawa, shut up for a second. I think we're near Kitagawa Daiichi."

The protest at the name died on Tooru's lips as the name of their dear middle school popped into the conversation. He could hear the unspoken question in Iwa-chan's words. They'd occasionally go back to check out their kouhai's progress and say hello to their old coaches, but they hadn't gone ever since the current school year started as their juniors had begun high school as well. At the thought of old juniors, the image of a certain blue-eyed boy collapsed on the ground quickly entered Oikawa's mind, but he forced that thought out equally as quick as it came. Now was not the time to be thinking about insignificant brats.

"If we hurry, we might be able to make it before practice ends and we can say hello to everyone. I'll even show off my serve to wow the kiddies. I'm sure they're dying for inspiration, and who better to give it to them than yours truly!" He flashed a quick peace sign to Hajime, who snorted at his words before delivering a quick whack upside Tooru's head.

"You ruin your appearance every time you open your mouth Shittykawa."

"Mean!"

Despite his lamenting, Tooru grabbed Hajime's hand as they sped up their pace to Kitagawa. It was like an unconscious instinct that was drawing him there, and one look at Iwa could confirm that he was feeling the same way. Odd, but Oikawa didn't think too much of it, summing it all up to simply being excited about visiting their alma mater. But things clicked into place as they reached their old volleyball gym. Because approximately 20 yards in front of them was a very familiar figure with blue eyes and black hair leaning against the very building they were about to enter.

A torrent of thoughts and emotions swept through their shared bond at the realization of who was there with them. In a rare moment, Oikawa found himself unable to decipher what his partner was feeling, something so abnormal for the normally simple and mild-mannered wing spiker. It unnerved him that he couldn't even tell what he was thinking by looking at his face, and Tooru felt irritation that the stupid brat in question was still a relatively important factor to his and Hajime's dynamic.

But his curiosity on the subject of Kageyama's presence was stronger than his irritation, so he pulled Iwaizumi forward as he began approaching their third with small, quiet steps. As they got closer, Oikawa could make out that the boy's forehead was resting against the building, and that his eyes were closed. Elegantly arched eyebrows were furrowed as slightly parted lips danced in time to silent words. As much as he hated to admit it, his chest lightened at seeing the other boy wearing something other than the sharp scowl he'd grown so used to seeing the past two years. But his appearance only arose more questions in his mind.

_Why is he here? Shouldn't he be at the hospital after that whole episode yesterday? Why is he just standing there with his eyes closed and leaning against the building? Is he feeling unwell? Should I call Captain-chan of the Karasuno team?_

Swirls of something dark flurried up in his chest as he remembered the way the Karasuno team had taken care of the boy after he passed out yesterday. God, this stupid bond really was becoming a problem if this was how he'd feel every time after someone showed the younger setter some affection.

Kageyama's POV

_Hands whipping towards his face. Watching as they swept down towards him, but unable to move any limb in his body. Whispers of how this was the least he deserved for being such a screw up. Failure. Be grateful that they don't do worse._

_Hungry. So hungry. Not nearly enough to constitute as a proper meal, but it was more than he'd been given at one go the entire week. Be grateful that you even get **something** to eat._

_A distinct lack of warmth. His feet sporting a blueish tint, but asking for a blanket - for any source of warmth - would be wrong. He'd done nothing to deserve it. His heart was warm still. Be grateful for *sofu. _

_The warmth in his heart turning frigid. All comforting heat was lost to him after his grandfather's smile faded into an oblivion that came earlier than it should've. Be grateful for the time you had warmth._

_Volleyball was his legacy, the one he left Tobio to carry. Volleyball made his blood rush and his heart pound; it showed him a glimpse of the warmth ripped from him at Kazuyo's demise. He needed to try harder, he wasn't warm enough yet. It was too little. He needed **more. Be careful what you wish for.**_

_Power and charisma, the very top to look up to. For all his suffering he'd been blessed. For what he didn't know, for he had been given the two most amazing people on the planet to cherish, to call his loves. They were perfect in every sense of the way, and at last the uncatchable warmth finally was within his grasp. But they saw his unworthiness, and so they tossed him downwards to where he belonged. Be grateful of fate's mistake, for otherwise you'd never have had that moment of happiness as fleeting as it was._

_And his greediness for more caught up with him, and his teammates turned their backs on him. They punished him for reaching too far for something he didn't deserve. Be grateful that they put up with your selfish whims for as long as they did._

_ … _ _ Be grateful your current team hasn't abandoned you. **Yet.** _

Venomous thoughts are formed through venomous memories and experiences, and for Tobio, there was no shortage of poisonous experiences to draw from. It was so easy to get lost in them, so easy to fall into the never ending rabbit hole, but for once, he didn't feel like the walls were made of slippery ice. His fingers didn't scrabble at the sides in a vain attempt to stop falling, but they'd finally managed to grip onto a rocky ledge. A small rock jutting out from smooth walls, but a small purchase to hold on to nevertheless. He was still so far from the top, so far from being able to crawl out of the vortex he had fallen into, but he had a chance now.

Why? Because he had a new memory now. The view of his former teammates' backs had been replaced by puffs of orange hair as they leapt into the air. Legs bent, arms outstretched, _eyes closed,_ there was someone who'd been foolish enough to think he was worthy of trust. There was someone who didn't use his royal nickname as a source of mockery, but as one of genuine praise. The bad memories still outweighed the good, but a small ray of sunshine had begun to peak through thunderous clouds.

A small smile curled onto Kageyama's face, as he pushed his head back from the wall of the gym. His eyes remained shut as he let the pain Kitagawa Daiichi brought resurface and slide off of him, allowing himself to finally make peace and accept what had happened. He had been given another chance. He would do whatever it took to make sure he didn't lose it now, even if it meant he'd have to beg the captain to let him stay on the team. 

His soulmates were tied to the sport, to Kitagawa Daiichi; as much as hated to admit it, the actions made _that_ night had played a major role into shaping who he was now, as both a player and a person. If he wanted to reinvent and rebuild himself, he'd have to let go of them too.

***

_How?_

It was as if his thoughts had been heard by fate, cruel fate who was determined to keep him tethered to his past. 

He took a deep breath and let his eyelids flutter open, an ease to his mind that hadn't been there before. A quick glance upwards snapped him out of his content state, the darkening sky a clear indication that it was time to return home. Spinning happily on his heel, he came face to face with two of the people who had haunted his nightmares for the past three years.

It didn't take a _genius_ to figure out that Kageyama was terrified out of his wits. The happiness drained quickly from his eyes, the blood in his face following suit as he turned paler than a sheet. Gods, this was so much worse than the practice game. Both of them, at the same time, all of a sudden, no preemptive warning, standing so _close_ to him. 

Tobio had finally found a semblance of peace within himself just mere moments ago, and something so new and fragile quickly shattered under the scrutiny of the two elder boys. His fingers scrabbled to retain their hold on the tiny piece of rock they were holding onto, ice slowly creeping underneath the fingertips to ensure he went back to his fall. Pieces of memories came rushing back at him once again, in waves he no longer had any bit of control over. The slap, the hate, the alley, the **rape.**

_**Everything.** _

Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime weren't singular factors in any of these categories, they didn't even play a role in all of them. But it was like his mind no longer worked, malfunctioning as the faces of every person who ever showed hate towards him began to transform. Their sneering lips and seething eyes remained the same, but their bodies and facial structures morphed into those of two individuals.

_It was like a sea of monsters._ An entire army of Oikawas and Iwaizumis lunging at him. Their eyes weren't even rich greens and decadent browns anymore, but empty dents of black. They morphed again, turning into creatures with claws and lipless faces, their mouths opening into gaping black holes where teeth and tongue should be. Screeching out a silent scream, Tobio's ears were bleeding from the sound, but at the same time, it was all too quiet.

They became frenzied at the sight of blood flowing from him in a steady stream, black eyes turning red as they ripped at his skin. With his flesh tearing off like paper, as his insides quickly became his outsides, he tried to let out a scream of his own. And he found he sounded just like them:

Too loud, and yet he couldn't hear a damn thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok be real... How many of ya'll expected this story to turn and come to a fateful clash at Kitagawa Daiichi??? And dear god, that ending surprised me too ngl.
> 
> I wanted this chapter to be the actual start of Kageyama's journey of healing, so he can come to the point where he isn't so scared of getting lost in his memories anymore. Let me be very clear, he still hasn't stopped hating himself, but he's finally found a reason to try. I also wanted to showcase that the bond between the three was starting to grow a bit, as the older two ended up being drawn (even if they didn't realize it) to Kageyama. 
> 
> Ha, I said healing and then I wrote that ending and thought "... he seems even more mentally unstable than he was before like WTF?"
> 
> Dear god this fic is so self indulgent...


	15. The Shrimp Who Saved the Setter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events of last chapter were pretty startling, so naturally we should have some Oikawa and Iwaizumi POVs right? Especially as they had a sizable hand in Kageyama's panic attack.  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> *  
> WRONG!  
> It's time we hear from our dear little shrimp don't ya think?

Hinata's POV

_Where was he?_

Shouyou would admit - albeit a little grumbly - that he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box. An ironic metaphor considering his name meant sunshine, but he felt that his hair and personality were more than enough to make up for that small blip. He had no trouble making friends, as most people would naturally gravitate to his outgoing personality, so he never really had to deal with people who actively disliked him. It was the same visa-versa; Hinata never really hated anyone. If most people were decent to him, then what was the reason not to dislike anybody? Growing up outgoing and relatively liked was the bubble world he'd lived in for his entire life at that point, so when he met Kageyama Tobio, it was like his world was flipped upside down.

The first time they'd met, he'd found himself surprised by the odd feeling of anger swelling up inside of him. But how could he not be pissed? 

_What had he been doing for the past three years?_

Sure his team was pretty lousy - okay scratch that they were down right _terrible -_ but why did he have to be so rude about it? He'd hear that line repeating in his head for the remainder of his third year in middle school and all throughout summer. When he finally reached Karasuno, he'd promised himself that the vow he made to Kageyama after their match would be fulfilled in his time here. 

.... BUT HOW THE HELL WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WHEN THAT BASTARD DECIDED TO GO TO KARASUNO TOO??!!!

He'd been so angry and so afraid that he was here, angry because he wouldn't be able to face off with him and afraid that they wouldn't be able to work as a team when it really came down to it. And when they'd gotten kicked out of the gym, he'd thought for sure that his fears were spot on. How would he be able to work with someone like that, someone so demanding and scary and _mean._ Shouyou knew he had the nickname of royalty for a reason but dammit, couldn't he realize they were supposed to be a team?

... But then that toss. And Kageyama's look of astonishment. His look of resolve when he stood by Hinata's side and said he'd help him fly.

... And that practice match, in which Kageyama told him not to worry and just play. (Well, he'd yelled it but lets not get too caught up in the semantics of it all.)

... The same practice match in which he'd been terrified of heavens know what. 

... The same practice match in which he'd _fainted._

Suga-san and Sawamura-san had allowed him to stay, making him glad that he was also seen as half of a pair, incomplete without Kageyama. Normally, that'd be grounds for a small yelling match, but he was too afraid for the boy that he'd let it slide. 

And so, to say Hinata had been frightened when Kageyama ran off was a major understatement. The blue-eyed boy had looked pale and terrified and so... _defeated_ , making it reasons enough for Sho to put his burning questions on the backburner as he carefully assessed his companion. _Where had that arrogant, prideful setter gone? The one who'd act as if he was in charge of everything and everyone had to listen to him? When had that bastard been replaced by this shell of a King, one who looked mistrustfully at everyone and seemed afraid of his own shadow?_

Hinata wasn't the biggest fan of the angry, scowl-y Kageyama, but he wanted him back. But would he ever get him back? Was everything he'd thought about the younger boy a product of the well-practiced persona that had been stubbornly held up around everyone? Who was the real Kageyama in that case? Shouyou wasn't one for subtlety ( _Why bother wondering if you can just ask?)_ , so he'd planned on confronting Kageyama after he'd had time to recover a little bit.

Watching the setter run blindly onto the roads, not seeming to care whether or not a car was about to hit him, was finally enough to make him snap out of his shocked stupor and yell for his two senpais. He didn't even wait to see if they'd understood his frantic screams, he could apologize to them later. All he knew was that Kageyama wasn't in the right state of mind, and that it was his job, as his self-proclaimed friend and partner, to help him go through whatever the hell was going on.

Which was definitely going off to a bad start seeing as how he'd lost the other in a short while. He knew Kageyama was fast - after all, they'd started racing to the clubroom every morning - but he'd never seen Kageyama go this fast. Usually, they'd be pretty much tied, one pulling out just barely a centimeter or two ahead at the last minute, usually because of tripping the other up or something like that. But now, Hinata was doubled over, panting in the middle of a road in some residential area, having absolutely no idea where he was because it seemed like the blue-eyed boy had just vanished after turning the bend onto this street.

That wasn't going to be enough to discourage him though. He took one last gulp of air before setting off in a random direction, silently resolving to look through all of Miyagi if he had to. Hinata Shouyou had never been a quitter when things got tough, and he refused to go home without making sure that Kageyama was safe and mentally stable at his home. 

Speaking of which he should probably check his home first, seeing how Hinata doubted the ravenette ventured to places other than school and home. They were alike in the sense that volleyball was their entire world from waking to sleeping, dreaming too in Hinata's case. Now if only he could remember where the younger's home was located... 

It wasn't back near Karasuno... right?

***

A goddamn hour and a half.

After finally finding out where Kageyama's house was, he luckily didn't have to run too far seeing as he lived relatively nearby. As he'd lived around Kitagawa Daiichi, it was assumed that Kageyama would go to Seijoh as well, as it was a good high school that was in the same area. For some reason, this shocked Hinata. He didn't really know why, but he'd always guessed that the reason Kageyama went to Karasuno instead of Seijoh was because he'd moved homes and the commute times would be easier if he just went to Karasuno. 

After finally reaching Kageyama's house, he'd spent a good, solid 10 minutes just screaming his lungs out at the front porch as he demanded Kageyama come and open the door for him. It took 3 children bursting into tears because of his yelling and one angry mother rushing at him to finally make him realize that the boy he was looking for was in fact not at home, and that he'd better start running before that mother threw her shoes at him. 

At that point, he resolved to just run randomly whilst screaming Kageyama's name. Granted, it wasn't the most solid of plans, but he was out of options otherwise. Suga-san and Sawamura-san had messaged him that they'd gone back to Karasuno and that he wasn't there as well, the news only serving to further increase Hinata's panic as he threw himself back into his task, yelling and screaming with twice the loudness. 

Much to the relief of the people of Miyagi, Shouyou eventually came upon a group of boys at a konbini. The boys themselves, Hinata had no clue who they were, but he recognized those familiar jackets that they were wearing. Navy blue and white jackets, the reason his ragtag team lost so quickly in his first tournament, the place where it all began.* It was starting to get dark now, and Shouyou knew that he'd only have enough time to search Kitagawa before his mother would start texting him about where he was.

Taking off towards the middle school, he definitely wasn't feeling very optimistic. The anxiety and fear that something bad had happened to Kageyama was something that refused to be shaken off of him. And as he bounded onto the school grounds and flew across campus in a mad frenzy to find his partner, he saw why:

There Kageyama stood, in all his glory, shaking out of his mind at the two figures he was staring at. His face remained as impassive as ever, but even from this distance, Hinata could feel the terror radiating off of him like heat from a flame. Bright blue eyes alight with horror, and the tiniest of quivers to his bottom lip, something in Hinata started roaring with anger. Even the setter's perfectly manicured hands were shaking behind his back.

As he drew closer to the three, he recognized the two people in front of Kageyama as the ace and Great King of Seijoh. Splatters of confusion mixed in the concoction of rage and worry brewing inside him, but Shouyou drained them out as quickly as he could. This was not the time to be indecisive, not when his friend looked so close to vomiting his guts and collapsing on the spot. A repeat of the incident in the Seijoh gym was not going to happen again, not on Sho's watch.

For the umpteenth time that day, he opened his mouth and let out a terrific yell, projecting his voice so loud he wouldn't be surprised if his family had heard it back in their cozy home up in the mountains.

"KAGEYAMA YOU BOKE!!! I WAS LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!!! EVERYONE WAS SO WORRIED, ESPECIALLY AFTER YOU FAINTED YESTERDAY!!!"

(Okay maybe the fainting wasn't the best thing to mention right now seeing the way Kageyama winced when he said that, but the overwhelming amount of gratitude in those blue eyes was enough to reassure him that he should continue approaching the group. Tugging on his setter's arm like an impertinent child, Hinata spoke quickly as he did his best to swiftly extract Kageyama from the situation. 

"ThankyouforkeepingKageyamacompanybutwereallymustgotheteamisquiteworriedandit'sgettinglateandweshouldallgotoourhomesnow.Thankyoubye."

"Hey!"

"Just wait a second we weren't done talk-!"

Whatever the older two boys were trying to say fell on deaf ears as Hinata forced Kageyama into a run, trying to get out of the school as fast as possible. He made sure they didn't slow down and didn't look back, waiting until he was sure that they hadn't been followed to stop and turn to the blue-eyed boy. But whatever he'd planned on saying or asking died on his lips as the taller of the two began fidgeting uncomfortably with his hands.

"Umm... you didn't have to help me out back there."

Those words spoken in a flat tone would've had most people irritated, but Hinata could only be glad that the other seemed to be returning back to his usual Kageyama state of being. 

"Is it really that hard for you to say thank you?"

"Shut up Hinata boke! And also, you can't call me a boke when you're the only boke around here!"

"Says the dumbass who decided to run off on his own without telling someone right after he'd been released from the hospital."

Guilt briefly flashed through blue eyes before turning into something more hesitant and a little... hopeful? 

"Was the team really worried about me?"

Surprised, Hinata looked to his side before replying.

"Yeah, of course we were! We'd all been pretty scared after you dropped at the practice match. And after you'd run off, everyone was worried because you were nowhere to be found. Don't do that again by the way. We still have to play volleyball and go to nationals!"

"Yeah.... sorry for making you guys worry.... and umm, thanks I guess."

Kageyama quickly sped his pace up after uttering those soft words, leaving Hinata behind with his eyes enlarged. (Really, it felt like his face was permanently going to end up with that surprised look if he kept getting all these surprises thrown at him one after another.)

Recovering, Hinata let out a small grin as he jogged to quickly catch up.

"No problem!"

***

His legs were tired and sore, and he had no doubt they'd hurt like anything once the adrenaline from the day's events wore off, but Hinata couldn't find it in him to be too bothered by that. Instead, as his trek home finally came to an end, he began to start planning ways to get Kageyama open up to him. Everything that had happened resulted in big question marks inside Hinata's head. However, there was one thing painfully clear to him:

Whatever secrets Kageyama was hiding had the Great King and Seijoh's ace deep in the center of it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * I know that some of you may see Hinata seeing the tiny giant on television as the moment in which it all began, but for me, the tournament was really his start. After playing his first match and issuing his challenge to Kageyama, I think he got more motivated and really started falling deep into his volleyball madness. It's okay if ya'll disagree with me, but for the sake of the fic, I'm writing it this way.
> 
> Also just a quick heads up that I might not be able to post next weekend as I have a tournament coming up that's most definitely not going to give me a lot of time to finish other stuff. So I guess we'll just have to hope that I don't get too much homework over the weekend so I can squeeze some time in for writing!

**Author's Note:**

> So... hope ya'll enjoyed the chapter and I'll try to get the next one out ASAP. Write what you guys think of the story so far in the comments section below. See you guys later!


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